Restaurant Gal

Category: Guests

  • 20 Questions

    From the day shift host the minute I walked in, regarding the completely fried and clearly dead Open Table computer: “Do you know how to turn it back on? I don’t know if it’s broken, but it looks like water spilled all over it last night.” I got the real scoop on whose drink spilled…

  • Better on the B-Side

    Back in the day, when I saved up my allowance to buy 45 rpms of the latest music, I always found myself drawn to the B-side song–that tune on the other side, the side that took up space simply to support the hit song. Sometimes these B-side songs were instrumental versions of the hits. Sometimes…

  • Ask Me–I Know Everything!

    Local Caller No. 1 “Are you open for lunch today?” Yes. “Does that mean you are open for dinner tonight?” Yes. “Will you stay open no matter what happens with Fay?” As of right now, we plan to stay open. “No matter what?” Now you are beginning to annoy me. Tourist Caller No. 2 “What’s…

  • Top 23

    In an effort to help a friend wade through the 569 posts I have written over two-and-a-half years, I told him I would scroll back and come up with my favorites. It proved to be an interesting exercise. Some of what I have written is deeply personal and heartfelt. Sometimes that equates to good writing.…

  • How Quickly They Annoy

    At first: The beautiful girl arrives before her date. My hosts and I wonder how we can copy her hair style, her shoes, her dress–her very essence. Her date arrives. He is the handsome equivalent of this beautiful girl. She is coy. He is smitten. They talk, they laugh. He casually touches her arm. She…

  • Valentine’s Day Sinners and Saints

    Yeah, I worked today. I worked lunch, and then into dinner because we were short a host. Happily, I didn’t have to work all night. Each one of these were phone calls or in-person interactions today. Here’s to a day all about the love! Sinner–The guy who whined that he had a six-year-old in his…

  • Talk Me Down from the Cliff Where the Seasonal Birds Roost

    “So, how are we doing now?” asks my GM when he knows I am on the edge. I usually want to slap him when he says these words. Today, I wanted to tell him how awful it was. But he had his own awfulness to deal with. So I dealt with it on my own…

  • Food Groups

    Is wine considered to be a member of a food group–you know, fruit? Are fries more than just a greasy, salty starch? Could they be viewed as, say, a vegetable? If both of the above constitute the bulk of one’s daily intake, and on Tuesday one gorges out on heaping bowls of salad, can that…

  • Thanksgiving Wonder

    My first call of the morning: “Hi, are you open on Thanksgiving?” “Yes, we are.” “Oh, can I order a cooked turkey–whole please–to pick up, and with all the sides?” You mean, like we are the local grocery store? “No ma’am, we don’t provide that kind of service on Thanksgiving, but I am sure Whole…

  • A Short List of Unoriginal Things to Do in a Restaurant

    I haven’t vented about guests in a while, mainly because I like our guests here in paradise (I know, call me…whatever). On the other hand, a minority few inspire the following observations about how not to be original in a restaurant: –Make a reservation for 7 people, show up with 12, and complain about having…