My first call of the morning:
“Hi, are you open on Thanksgiving?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Oh, can I order a cooked turkey–whole please–to pick up, and with all the sides?”
You mean, like we are the local grocery store?
“No ma’am, we don’t provide that kind of service on Thanksgiving, but I am sure Whole Foods or one of the other…”
“Don’t you think it is better to eat Thanksgiving dinner at home? I mean, really!”
Don’t you think it is better to leave me alone, now?
“So, can I get a whole turkey from you? There’s ten of us. We’ll come in to eat another time. Everyone raves about you.”
“No, ma’am, I am sorry. We are not set up to provide to-go service on the holiday.”
“Why not? I mean, maybe you could make an exception for once, you know?”
Maybe not in a million years.
“Ma’am, I am sorry. Thank you for considering us.”
“No, don’t hang up! Get a manager, ask someone else. I will ask for someone else!”
“Ma’am, I am a manager.” Oh God, finally, a good reason to say that. “And I am the person in charge of Thanksgiving here (with apologies to my GM and my owners). Pause. “But, because I can understand how you feel,” Gag, “I will run this by my GM.”
If I remember this ridiculous request, that is, in between daily accounting paperwork, weekly deposit reconciliation, opening and closing lunch, booking private dinners, following up on private dinners, and ANSWERING THE INCESSANT PHONES!
“You are SO nice to do that. I am sure they will do this for me.”
I am equally sure “they” will not.
I may be many things, but I am not a liar. I have found, however, I am starting more and more conversations with my GM with the following command: “Say no to what I am about to ask, but I have to ask it so I am not lying when I say I asked.”
This amuses my GM.
“No,” he always smiles when I say this.
“No, let me ask, then say no,” I always say when he says this before I ask.
“A guest wants a whole turkey to take out, and the sides.”
“Just want to understand each other. Thank you.”
And, yes, I actually called the guest back, as tempted as I was to throw her number away. Because I am a gal of my word, even when…well, even when.
“I am so sorry, ma’am,” I said after I identified myself. “As I suspected, we are just not equipped to handle such a carryout order on Thanksgiving. Please try Whole Foods or…”