Return to the Front Lines

“What color are these tablecloths?”

Um, beige?

“No, the actual color. You know, like “Sandy Pebble” or some other real name of a color. I need to tell my sister’s decorator the color so she can get her carpet in this exact shade. It’s just what she’s been looking for!”

Well, um….

“Maybe you could ask someone who would know, okay?”

The busser says it’s Sandy Beige.


“Are your salads big enough for a meal?”

Gosh, I don’t know how hungry you are or what you consider a fully “meal,” but….

Interrupting: “Is it or isn’t it? You can’t answer that? Come on! It’s a pretty simple question.”

They are salad-plate-sized salads, an average portion.

To her friend: “She can’t even answer!”

Friend, slowly and gesturing: “What she’s asking is…how…much…is…on…the…plate?”

Exactly 32 pieces of torn lettuce, give or take a garnish.


“We biked, then ran the entire island.”

Wow. All today?

“Can you say you’ve done that?”

Well, I felt like I walked the entire island once when I got lost my second day living here.

“I didn’t think so.”


Her: “If you wanted to have sex in a hot tub, where would you do it in this town?”

I, uh, um….what????

Him: “I told you she wouldn’t know!”


“Hey! Hey You!”

Did you just shout at me from across the dining room?

Louder, waving: “Hey! We’re here for dinner! Now!”

Oh, whew, that’s a relief! I thought you were my manager yelling at me!

“Excuse me, what is your name?”

RG. Short for Restaurant Gal. It’s great to be back!






7 responses to “Return to the Front Lines”

  1. Binx Avatar

    Yeah. Back to the grind of being a ‘service person’… if it’s any consolation, here in Boston it is dim, cold and snowy with the same assholes as are down there…. in fact I bet they ARE from New England …

  2. savannah Avatar

    but, at least you can blog about them and know that y’alls pals around the blogosphere are laughing at THEM for being such dopes! hang in there, sugar! xoxoxo

  3. L. Avatar

    Yeah!!! She’s back in fine form!

    I am “back” in a job where I have to talk to rude “I think I’m ohhh so rich and entitled” people, and they sometimes say things like that to me …as I explain their credit charge bills to them. You made me laugh and roll my eyes…

  4. Kim Ayres Avatar

    “What color are these tablecloths?”
    Desert Puke

    “Are your salads big enough for a meal?”
    They’ll feed a family of 4 in a 3rd world country

    “We biked, then ran the entire island.”
    A taxi is easier

    “If you wanted to have sex in a hot tub, where would you do it in this town?”
    There’s a display model at the front of the shop in the mall

    “Hey! We’re here for dinner! Now!”

    If you can wait just another 2 minutes, my dog is in the process of reguritating it for you

  5. Axel Avatar

    My dad was ordering takeout from a Chinese restaurant and asked ‘How many will the General’s Chicken feed?’ The man’s reply, ‘Depend how much you eat.”

  6. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    Binx–They are the same everywhere.

    Savannah–hee hee

    L.–rolling of eyes done daily.



  7. Mary Avatar

    Tablecloth color – Donkey Beige (from discussion on a different list); what part of the donkey is up to you
    Dinner – “as soon as my dog regurgitates dinner for her new pups (this does happen – ROFL); BTW, they are in the back, would you like to see them while you wait?”