“We were all holding our breath for a week while you were out sick.”
Oh, thank you, I think.
“Because we were sure we’d all get the flu from you. But no one did! Good thing, too. Anyway, you feeling better?”
Feeling the love, mostly.
“Oh, you’re back, finally? Hope you’re feeling better. You still look really sick, though.”
Sometimes, women can be so nice.
“Heard you had the chicken flu.”
“It was Swine Flu, wasn’t it?”
Pretty sure it wasn’t.
“We saved these tips for you when we worked one of the nights. Unfortunately, they didn’t tip us too well!”
I love my bosses.
“We were worried about you, you know. So relieved to see you back at work.”
Please, will you be my grandparents? You are so sweet to me.
“I know this is going to sound strange, but did you get breast implants while you were off?”
Knowing you as an otherwise great customer, I am going to laugh at this and answer, “Shhhh. Let’s keep it our little secret about why I was out for a week.”