I Could Never!

“I could never be a waitress in a busy place,” I told Upset Waitress before I moved from Fort Lauderdale to become a waitress in a busy place. In fact, I could. I did. I do.

“I could never be a bartender, even in a quiet locals’ place. It’s been too long ago since I was,” I told my friend before I became a bartender in a quiet locals’ place a few weeks ago. In fact, I am. But I am still barely getting the hang of pouring with two hands.

“I could never, EVER deal with having a scorpion in my house!” I shuddered as another friend told me about seeing one in her place. In fact, I smacked the hell out of a big, fat scorpion in an episode I will forever remember as “The Scorpion Massacre” that took place last night in my bathroom.

“We’d like for you to tend bar for us four day shifts a week,” said the GM of a huge, busy “real” bar as he handed me employee paperwork to fill out. “You can start in two weeks. And you can keep the other bar job because the schedules don’t conflict.”

I could never tend bar beyond the confines of my quiet place, I thought as I shook the GM’s hand. I’m too slow and awkward and I don’t know what ingredients go into a Red Headed Slut shot or a Lemon Drop martini, or even the real difference between Bourbon and Whiskey, for that matter.

People dream of having the job in paradise that was just handed to me, unsolicited and thoroughly unexpected. But, I could never….

Then again, I fought the scorpion…and won.







11 responses to “I Could Never!”

  1. JoeInVegas Avatar

    Oh, now a real professional bartender. wow. (and yes, that Old Mr. Boston is great)

  2. Texas Fan Avatar
    Texas Fan

    Congratulations RG, you have officially turned ‘career on the rocks’ into a win.

  3. L. Avatar

    How very, very nice!

  4. […] I Could Never!, Restaurant Gal […]

  5. Sarah Avatar

    I’m having trouble getting my comment to post. Perhaps third time will be charm. I think the wise ole universe must know that you deserve and can handle that job in paradise so I say you go for it girl. You sound like such a winner-which is why you won the job. Love your blog. Sarah–your fan in Singapore

  6. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    JoeinVegas–Still wondering if I should actually take the job.

    Texas Fan–Truthfully, I am shocked by this.

    L.–Thanks, we’ll see.

    Sarah–Sorry you had so much trouble commenting. For some reason, you landed in the spam filter! Thanks, and I’ll keep everyone posted on what I decide.

  7. Craig Avatar

    Ugh! So you did find a scorpion in your house….how utterly scary! Glad you have more work shifts…things seem to be looking better each day fro you.

  8. Rose Royce Avatar
    Rose Royce

    Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!! I hate scorpions! The sticky traps near doors work well (but smell horrible) and need something over them to keep your dog out of them. The black light helps to find them at night in absolute darkness. I use the spine of a paper back book to smash them and a piece of paper to scoop the carcass to flush in the toilet. Usually my dog will act curious but strange and give me a heads up that one is around. My husband got stung three times in 30 seconds by one of the bark scorpions in the Sonoran desert and survived after taking benadryl and soaking his bite area in vinegar then baking soda alternately. Finally had to go to the emergency room when his throat started closing. At least the Florida ones won’t kill you like ours. Also we reward the dog with cheese when she points out one and we kill it. I’ve heard a damp throw rug left out over night will attract them to crawl under and you can then lift it up and kill them.

  9. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    Rose–OMG. I am now officially terrified.