“I could never be a waitress in a busy place,” I told Upset Waitress before I moved from Fort Lauderdale to become a waitress in a busy place. In fact, I could. I did. I do.
“I could never be a bartender, even in a quiet locals’ place. It’s been too long ago since I was,” I told my friend before I became a bartender in a quiet locals’ place a few weeks ago. In fact, I am. But I am still barely getting the hang of pouring with two hands.
“I could never, EVER deal with having a scorpion in my house!” I shuddered as another friend told me about seeing one in her place. In fact, I smacked the hell out of a big, fat scorpion in an episode I will forever remember as “The Scorpion Massacre” that took place last night in my bathroom.
“We’d like for you to tend bar for us four day shifts a week,” said the GM of a huge, busy “real” bar as he handed me employee paperwork to fill out. “You can start in two weeks. And you can keep the other bar job because the schedules don’t conflict.”
I could never tend bar beyond the confines of my quiet place, I thought as I shook the GM’s hand. I’m too slow and awkward and I don’t know what ingredients go into a Red Headed Slut shot or a Lemon Drop martini, or even the real difference between Bourbon and Whiskey, for that matter.
People dream of having the job in paradise that was just handed to me, unsolicited and thoroughly unexpected. But, I could never….
Then again, I fought the scorpion…and won.