If I drunk email my day-at-a-time boy and he answers very soon in a hopeful way, it’s good, right? Even if I know it’s all just an email that is pretty much meaningless, right?
If I meet the guy that Upset Waitress is sure is the one for me, and he seems great, and even if I like him a lot but still go home and cry the night away after I met him on what is, after all, Valentine’s Day–I’m not a freak, right?
If I totally ditched the guy who won’t ever accept the idea of my being simply a friend, and it’s Valentine’s Day, but he is waiting for me as he sits with a girl whom he adores more than he does me, although he will never admit it even if she is married and only “a friend,” does that make me the really, really bad girl friend? If so it’s okay, right?
If I am just me, and I just wanted to get through a day as symbolic and horrific as Valentines Day and I almost did until I received an email from a very dear friend whom I miss so much, and somehow his text made me cry harder, I am still okay, right?
If I met the man tonight who may be the man of my future dreams, and I hear from my Day-at-a-Time boy on the same night and I am sadly happy for that, and then I ditch another boy whom I was supposed to meet to for dinner, and I hear from my guy friend who has stood by me since last May, and it all makes me sob and sob and sob, I’m still okay, right?
Upset Waitress, you think you know me. You think my ups and downs never really include the absolute down times of the downs that I know very well. And while nothing these days makes me cross over to that dark side I nevertheless seem to feel tonight, going there for this moment will never take away from the bright side I feel so many more days than not these days, right?
In the end, I am no longer so sad despite my sadness tonight. I am no longer sobbing all the time. I live in paradise. I get that. I do.
But sometimes, some days–say this day–you have to regress a little, or maybe a lot, and allow yourself the tidal wave of tears until you are done with that. Until you can again remember that you are, actually, okay, right?
God, I sometimes detest being human.