No One Told Me…

…that when you move to the Keys, your auto insurance premiums will go down, but your health insurance premiums will skyrocket.

…that you will quickly determine the need for dress flip flops.

…that you will quickly determine absolutely no need for any article of dress-up clothing you wore in Fort Lauderdale, and that includes those expensive designer jeans.

…that you will drive miles and miles to go anywhere, do anything, purchase everything, and that you will always mass text your Keys friends when you do, asking, “I’m going to Marathon, need anything?”

…that you cannot speed one mile per hour over the posted speed limit, and that everyone will offer–nay, insist–to drive you home or come pick you up “if you drink too much.”

…that half the folks riding bikes along the highway do so, not for exercise and to improve their health, but because they got too many DUIs and don’t have a driver’s license.

…that going out for one drink for one hour with one gentleman means you are engaged to be married to that gentleman.

…that agreeing to meet another gentleman for one drink for one hour a few evenings after seeing your alleged “betrothed” will set tongues wagging and result in at least 7 phone calls in one minute to your previous date “to get over here because you should be worried.”

…that accepting two invitations for one drink for one hour with two different gentleman when not so much as a kiss on the cheek is exchanged with either, results in your being considered loose and fast–or, in parlance, a slut.

…that declining another invitation to watch sunset and have dinner because you are beat to death from opening the restaurant at 5:30 a.m., means you have broken up with your so-called betrothed.

…that being the new girl in town means it’s better to stay home and watch pay-per-view movies with the dog than cause such an unintended stir about town!

…that Upset Waitress will simply laugh and shake her head as she mutters, “Oh Girl, you have no clue,” every time I share another story about what surprises me down here.

…that my quiet corner of paradise would be so, um, colorful!






10 responses to “No One Told Me…”

  1. Kim Ayres Avatar

    But if you’d asked first, you’d have ignored it and gone anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Joe Avatar

    Ah, to have such problems…

  3. Joe Avatar


  4. JoeInVegas Avatar

    um, colorful? Sounds like a bunch of old retired people with nothing to do but pay attention to everyone else. Sorry. Oh, you like it there, well, sorry I said sorry.

  5. Mary Avatar

    Nothing wrong with old people, retired people or old retired people! Although, if the median age in the Keys is between 55-65 that may explain the health premiums.

  6. Ex-Restaurant Manager Avatar

    It’s all give-and-take, RG. Paradise has it’s price. It’s what your priorites are. And yours is to re-group. And where better than where you are right now. And with the back-up of UW, you can’t do wrong. (I think) ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Ex-Restaurant Manager Avatar

    Or priorities, whatever. I hear “whatever” is heard a lot down there.

  8. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    Kim–Of course I would have!

    Joe–Yeah, kind of okay.

    JoeinVegas–Actually, I am talking about strictly small-town, local stuff. The ages are all over the place.

    Mary–I have a feeling it’s a “lifestyle” thing.

    Ex-RM–Not really complaining at all. Just some initial observations or whatever. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Real Estate Feast--South Florida real estate blog Avatar

    So I guess that the restaurant’s new owners are cool? Any reports?

  10. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    Real Estate Feast–If the manager they put in place stays, it’ll be great. But we hear rumors to the contrary every day. Day by day….