Home Work

“He said you seemed like you were kinda slow ‘up here,’” laughed Upset Waitress, pointing to her temple.

“What? You mean because…”

“Because he thinks you are a total moron–an idiot,” she laughed again.

Of course, he came in again today. He comes in every day. He is 70 and looks and acts like someone who is 103 and shouldn’t have left the home. But I’m the moron. Hahaha.

“Yeah, so when you go to take his order in a second, because you HAVE to take him,” said my other co-worker, “Hold the can of cooking spray up to your ear, spray it, and pretend you’re answering a call.” Then she demonstrated.

I don’t know why, but this conversation didn’t stop for at least an hour. Say this, do this, act like this when you take his order, they kept pantomiming behind the line. I could not stop laughing. My sides were sore.

“You all are having too much fun back there,” smiled the head of a table of eight that included a trillion young children who wanted to do nothing more than watch their lemonade drip from their straws onto their napkins and into their fries.

UW held a spray bottle up to her head, rolled her eyes and pretended to drool. My other co-worker giggled again. I had to excuse myself and use my apron to wipe off my smeared makeup that had made its way to my chin as a result of laughing too hard. It was so stupid–like I apparently am–but I could not stop laughing.

“So how was your hot date last night?” UW asked later.

“Yeah, what happened, anything?” winked my other co-worker.

“Nah, NOT a hot date at all. Just a nice dinner,” I told them.

“Uh huh,” said UW.

“Right,” said my co-worker, shaking her head.

“You did it with him, I know it,” laughed UW.

“You did?” exclaimed my co-worker.


“Okay, we’re engaged and you’re both in the wedding,” I smirked at both of them.

So now my date–my easy going, funny, no-pressure, nice-guy dinner date–will forever be referred to as “the fiance.” Just as my day-at-a-time boy is forever “the douche” to UW. Ha!

Nicknames for my past and sort-of present guys, laughing ’till I cry, keeping a careful eye on my lighter every time UW bums a smoke, getting to know annoying and not-so-annoying regulars, being considered a moron by at least one customer–all good.

I may not know what the hell I am really doing at work, but it almost feels like home. Okay, maybe a slightly unconventional broken home, but home is home, right?







11 responses to “Home Work”

  1. JoeInVegas Avatar

    A ‘date’ already? And how long have you been down there?

    Just what did the old guy end up thinking after all of that?

  2. savannah Avatar

    hey, better than going crazy listening to the little old lady humming off tune…just under her breath

  3. gabrielle Avatar

    I thought you were going to be laying off the men, the booze and the ciggies for a bit. What’s up RG?

  4. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    joeinvegas–2 weeks and it was JUST dinner. As for the day-at-a-time boy, he doesn’t think about me at all anymore, from what I can tell


    Gabrielle–you’re kidding, right? It was dinner for God’s sake!

  5. Upset waitress Avatar

    I stole your lighter because you ARE a total retard.

  6. Echo Avatar

    Sounds like you’re already fitting in at work. Congrats !

  7. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    UW–Give it back!

    Echo–Um, is this the kind of place I want to fit in???? hahaha

  8. Binx Avatar

    And the beauty of your current situation is all you have to do is take a gander at the weather in the more northern climes and your life could not be better in comparison.
    – Binx in Boston where we are getting another 2-3 inches of snow today.

  9. Kim Ayres Avatar

    Sound like you’re just where you need to be 🙂

  10. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    Binx–I know! Although, we are whining a bit that it is “chilly” in the 60s today. Yeah, I know.

    Kim–Really kind of funny the way all this is playing out. All good.

  11. MiketheWaiter Avatar

    wow. it sounds like you work in a fun place. that’s a bonus. I would rather work in a fun place and make a little less money… the stress factor would be worth it.