Boys to Men

A boy texts you everything you hope to hear.

A man tells you what he thinks in person.

A boy always has an excuse why he can’t see you, which he delivers via text.

A man makes plans and keeps them.

A boy tells you he is falling deeply for you and wants to live with you in the Keys.

A man suggests he will miss you, but hopes he can visit as often as you will invite him.

A boy tells you he is falling deeply for you and then stops suggesting even a last-minute drink when he gets off work, preferring, instead, to hang out alone or play darts with a guy friend.

A man tells you he’s got plans with his buddies tonight, but makes plans to take you to dinner tomorrow.

A boy tells you that you are being “crazy” when you beg for honesty about how he’s really feeling.

A man tells you where you and he stand–for better or worse–so that you have enough information to decide if you want to stand next to him.

A boy ends it by simply being silent, usually after a final bootie call that he insists wasn’t.

A man says he wishes it could have been different, but he understands that you are moving away in less than five days.

You know you will eventually get over the boy.

You hope to eventually learn how to recognize a good man.

A boy broke my heart.

A man says he knows my heart is hurting, but he’s happy enough to help me hang blinds in my new Keys house.







21 responses to “Boys to Men”

  1. beachgirl-in-canberra Avatar

    I agree whole-heartedly. Except that I have been lucky enough to only fall for men, not boys. Must be some self-preservation thing…

    (Long time reader, first time poster. Love your blog!)

  2. savannah Avatar

    i hope this new year will bring you peace & joy, sugar! xoxox

  3. ellenln Avatar

    omg! ….. you finally get it!
    wishing you a happy … healthy… prosperous…. and mature new year!

  4. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    beach-girl: Thank you for your comment and for being a long-time reader. And lucky you to have learned the difference far sooner than I did.

    savannah: Your comments always bring me cheer. The very same to you!

    ellenin: After decades of marriage and limited dating experience prior to that, maybe you can cut me a little slack for being dense as to the ways of boys and players. Until I moved to SoFla 18 months ago, the people in my life told me the truth on every level. I can count on two fingers those who have been as honest and unselfish with me here. It takes a while to shed one’s naive ways when one has never before encountered such utter disregard and disrespect.

  5. Kim Ayres Avatar

    For not dissimilar reasons, it’s why I’ve always preferred women to girls ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Jaz Avatar

    Even when you know the difference, sometimes boys play “man” pretty convincingly. And it’s not naive to believe what people tell you, it’s better than thinking that everyone you talk to is a liar. My best advice is to always believe your gut over the words you hear. From reading your blog for years now, I get the feeling that with these boys you do know in your gut when things are not right, but like most of us, you override the knowing because you want to believe. Trust yourself and you’ll know when to trust others. Thus spaketh the Jaz ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Christine in LA Avatar
    Christine in LA

    Hello Gal- I firmly believe in the hope and excitement a new year can bring. May 2009 bring you much peace, love and happiness in your new house and life in the Keys as well as more encounters with truthful and wonderful people like waitress and those boys from the band. I’d like to believe that there are more good and kind people like that then the other kind and I hope you run into the good ones. Happy New Year! -Christine

  8. Christine in LA Avatar
    Christine in LA

    Ok two posts in one day – I’m at work can you tell? Just quickly I remember that you have a gluten allergy and I just discovered that another blogger I read daily has written a cookbook about her own struggles with her gluten allergies. I thought maybe this might interest you

    Her blog is pretty fantastic as well. Her name is Shreve Stockton and she is living in Wyoming raising an orphaned Coyote.


  9. JoeInVegas Avatar

    Oh, not the boy again? I hope the Keys do bring much more for you.

  10. L. Avatar

    Hello RG:

    Thank you for sharing that. It shot little arrows into my heart and head … and I thought “me too.”

    Have a wonderful 2009

  11. jenni Avatar

    I’m sure I’d be more eloquent over a cup of coffee or dinner & drinks– both I hope we share someday– still- in person, as onlyne, my first thought is to send you hugs. May the Keys help you unlock that which is missing in your life – and may 2009 be memorable, fulfilling, full of joy , happiness- and peace, my friend!

    Hugs from me & mine to you:)– with big slobbery kisses from Henri

  12. DodgerGirl Avatar

    Better late than never re: wising up about the boy. ๐Ÿ™‚ And you make good sense about being in a new environment where you don’t know the rules. I moved to D.C. (husband got a job here) a couple of years ago and being so far from my supportive and generally awesome friends has been tough. I’ve made some mistakes on who to trust along the way as well, but at least we learned the lesson in the end, right?

  13. Teeetleworm Avatar

    Damn girl, you’re starting to clue in. You need a MAN. Boys wil #*@k you up. Men have miles, but also have feelings and understanding (that comes with miles). If he helps you hang shades he is showing signs of domestication (OMG can we say that?). Forget boys, all they want is what they can get now. Best of luck with your new digs and your new journey. I will continue to follow your stumbles (and you will have them-thanks for sharing) and your accomplishments. Smile, a lot. It attracts good things and good people.

  14. Andrea Avatar

    I love what you said about how a boy texts you what you hope to hear and that a man tells you how it is in person. Sounds a whole lot like my last boyfriend versus the person I just met.

    Thanks for sharing!

  15. Laundramatic Avatar

    Good to hear about this Man! Boys suck.

  16. Ex-Restaurant Manager Avatar

    We all seem to have so much to learn, RG. And why does the learning curve seem so steep, nowadays? It’s just too bad that immature “boys” don’t have an “L” embossed on their foreheads. Hope the next frog is really a prince. You could really use a prince right about now, HUH?

  17. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    Kim–You are a very smart “man” ๐Ÿ™‚

    Jaz–Listening to one’s gut–absolutely key.

    Christine–Thank you, and best to you as well. I will definitely check out the site.

    JoeinVegas–This was kind of a bad one. Obviously, my readers only know the part of the story I share. It was so much more, I thought. I thought wrong–again–and had invested way too much in it. So, on to 2009.

    L–If it offered any insight, I am glad. Happy 2009 to you!

    Jenni–Please come see me and bring those cute kids and best baby with you, and of course, hubby too. Thank you my friend.

    Dodgergirl–Hope DC is treating you better. New starts definitely force one to climb a learning curve. I just had no idea how high I’d have to climb, and how far I could fall. Good luck to you.

    Teeetleworm–Boys….ugh. And while the “man” who is always willing to pick up my pieces is being extremely sweet and supportive, he has to remain a friend at this point,much as he would like it otherwise. I am just too sad and numb from what I thought was going to be a wonderful relationship that went so bad.

    Andrea–I know. Texting–I hate it when it becomes the sole means of saying: “Hey beautiful! Hopefully I’ll see you later after work.” And then nothing. Nice.

    Laundramatic–Oh, he’s a great man, but I cannot muster the energy or emotions that he deserves. He is hopeful, and I will likely make him upset when he discovers (although he pretty much gets it) that I am just not there for him or anyone right now.

    Ex-RM–Upset Waitress and I were just talking about you last night! And yes, a prince–a really good prince–would be lovely, all in good time.

  18. SwillmistressWA Avatar

    How true. It took me quite some time to find a man, and not a boy. I hope you enjoy the Keys. It’s freezing here on the opposite corner of the country.

  19. Jean Avatar

    I’ve been reading you for a long time (and de-lurk occasionally). I love your style – very truth-to-the-heart womanly/humanly writing.

    Can you share why you left RG husband and ran away to Florida? I have always wondered….

  20. Friffy Avatar

    Sweetness, your time will come. This I promise you.

  21. connectingus Avatar

    the ones that need to read this are the boys so they know what a woman wants. When they get that, they will deliver it.