“We were sitting there eating dinner at my place, and he looked at my dog and said, ‘Can’t you just put him out on the porch or something?’” RG Daughter is repeating a conversation she had with a young man she has been seeing. A really cute young man who is creative and artistic and successful job-wise, even as a recent college graduate.
RG Daughter continued: “So I looked at him for a minute, then I said, ‘You know, I just don’t think this is going to work.’”
Wow. To be so sure. So honest with the boy when she was so sure. So quickly.
“Because after all I have been through with my puppy–how many times he almost died because he was so sick, how I had to put him on a plane and send him back to the breeder, wondering if he would survive the flight and thinking I would never see him again, and now I finally have him back again–no one is going to tell me to just stick him on the porch, you know?”
Absolutely.
“Because you can tell a lot about a guy based on the way they treat your dog, at least that’s what I think.”
Point taken.
“And this guy barely tolerated my puppy all along. So guess what? Bye.”
Just like that?
“Yeah, just like that.”
Aren’t you sad? You kind of liked him, right?
“Not really sad, even though I liked him. I just knew I should end it before anyone got hurt.”
This from my 21-year-old. The same 21-year-old who recently experienced the end of a three-year relationship and is now new to the harsh dating world herself. This from my 21-year-old who sometimes has it so much more together than her mother.
“Mom, you know about the whole texting thing, right?”
Um, do I?
“Never text first!”
Oh, that’s ridiculous.
“No really. Don’t. It’s part of the game, at least that’s what my friends tell me.”
Although, now that I think about it, that’s when things went south with the boy, when suddenly I was the only one initiating all the texts about getting together.
“And we’re not supposed to be so available. Guys like the chase or the thrill of the hunt or some such crap.”
Please, that is so dumb. And yet, I’ve heard that rule of dating idiocy from a couple of my friends, too.
“Yeah, I know. So stupid, but it’s true. And seriously, if any guy you’re dating doesn’t like Rouletta–or even worse, only pretends to like her until he thinks he can tell you to ditch her on a porch–well….”
Right. Dump him. Before anyone gets hurt.
“Because there’s no point in continuing.”
But what about a guy who is out walking his own dog, and he stops to say hi so our dogs can say hi, and he seems to like my dog until his dog snarls and my dog nips back and suddenly a full-blown dog fight is nearly a reality, and then it’s kind of difficult to carry on the “Where are you from? What do you do?” conversation, so you say goodnight before you even exchange the names of your dogs, much less your own. What do the dating rule-makers have to say about that?
“Mom, you have got to get Rouletta out more with other dogs so she can be socialized!”
How did I raise such a wise girl?
Comments
13 responses to “From the Mouths of Babes”
Much wiser Momma than Momma is prepared to acknowledge being?
She’s brilliant… you did well with her!
For me, it was guys who didn’t like or want to live with cats. I think it says a lot about their personalities that they aren’t comfortable with them… and that I won’t be comfortable with them either. Thank goodness hubby had two cats when we got back together after dating briefly in high school…
It is clear that the apple does not fall far from the tree.
I have to say there is a flash of “Happy RG” in this post. I can almost see you smiling while you wrote this.
RG, your daughter sounds pretty smart, she definitely “gets it”. I know it sounds stupid, but yah, guys do like the thrill of the chase. It’s almost like we don’t like being completely ignored, but at the same time we want to know we gotta work to get you…
Good point about how important it is to be nice towards the dog, I will remember that one!
When I was a teen, my mom was newly single. She had a boyfriend who would treat her like a queen and me like a princess when he was around. But he’d rarely call and make arrangements to see her. If there was an event to go to, they’d have a date. Sometimes she’d go for a week without hearing from him.
I’d advise her to tell him what she wanted or dump him. She did neither. She let it go on for much, much too long. When their relationship ended, I think she was somewhat relieved, but her heart was broken, too.
Oh, but I was never good at taking my own advice.
If I’d had even a FRACTION of RG Daughter’s common sense when I was 21, my life would have turned out very very differently… You go, girl!!! (And she is COMPLETELY right about dumping those who do not immediately embrace the adorableness that is Rouletta.)
Petsmart has dog classes you can sign up for and give your dog a chance to be less protective of you when walking through socializing. Sometimes though carrying a squirt bottle is easier to get good dog manners from a dog. Target sells small purse size squirt bottles that fit in purses.
brilliance obviously runs in the family. 🙂
thanks everyone!
and yes Mike, don’t forget the dog rule…sooooo not worth it if the boy “poopoos” the pup.
I used to bring potential boyfriends to meet my horse. He is a great judge of character. The horse disliked one guy so much he reared up and ripped a board off the fence when I left him standing there alone with the guy for like 30 seconds while I ran inside the barn to grab a brush… So I dumped him. He was confused when I gave him the “This isn’t going to work” speech. I didn’t tell him it was because of the horse, but it definitely was 🙂
RG,
Your daughter is spot on with the whole dog thing. Every time I deal with a girl and her dog I make it a point to be friends with said animal. You (and this post confirms it) would be surprised how many men are literally that dumb.
Also, I’m catching up on all the stuff I’ve been missing! Hope all is well on your side of the world. 🙂
I’ve been reading your blog since you were still up here in DC. I’ve been especially touched by your recent postings about dating. I can totally sympathize, as I am in the same boat and have 2 daughters that give me the same advice. I’ve lost many a ‘boy’ because of over emailing, over calling, over-you-name-it! All in the name of ‘no game playing’ and ‘being myself.’ Unfortunately, our girls are spot-on. Sad but true. I’ve linked your blog to mine, I hope you check it out.