When Is It Time?

Is it time to stop when you want to say “F— You!” to comments by a few who just don’t seem to get it? But then you wonder, do they not get it because your writing is somehow flawed?

Is it time to stop when the few seem to be the only ones commenting? Is it time to stop when you actually care more about the sanctimonious comments than your post?

Except you don’t, not really.

I don’t really want to stop writing this blog. I know I will never stop writing, even if I do write in another venue.

But I wonder, is it time to stop this, anyway?

Problem is, I know I have much more to say, even if I do stop. More to say tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

So, is it time? Or is it another time of so many times in the past year, to simply suck it up and push through another tough time?

Where is that muse when you really need her to speak to you–quietly, confidently, in your ear alone?






50 responses to “When Is It Time?”

  1. Mary Avatar

    PLEASE don’t stop!!! I gotta believe there are many, many more of us out here who read every day and love your writing than there are jerks who feel the need to express themselves by insulting you. I know it sound like “your mother” talking, but, seriously, just ignore them. Their insults are about them – not you.

    Besides, I have to find out how you turn out!

  2. m Avatar

    My lack of comments doesn’t mean I don’t love reading your blog. I would miss you if you stopped. It isn’t possible to be in the public eye to any degree and not get people being mean. It seems to contrary to you, as I know you from here, to shrink back. I know you’ve gone through & survived things way harder than some random stranger being rude.

  3. LinuxGirl Avatar

    No! Don’t stop, I love your blog, I only discovered it a month or so ago, and I can’t wait to read more! Don’t stop because some people have nothing better to do than to be mean to someone they have never even met! Keep writing!

  4. Echo Avatar

    I heartily agree with the above commenters: please don’t stop writing here ! Your posts let me know that I’m not alone in dealing with difficult people on a daily basis. My day would be a lot less bright without your writing in it.

  5. scape Avatar

    Dear RG,
    reasons I like to read your blog:
    I like your style of writing – observant but personal.
    I like the tension in your life – you are at a crossroad.
    I love change.
    Your story about the roach.
    I loved DC when I got to visit, you bring it back to life in my memory,
    I’ve never been to Florida and it cracks me up to hear about it.
    I’ve been working in restaurants for ten years and find your perspective novel.
    I like you.

  6. Zazzy Avatar

    I hope you don’t stop. I hardly ever comment but I’m out here, rooting you on. It never ceases to amaze me how much I can come to care about the happiness of someone I have never met.

  7. Sini Avatar

    Please don’t stop.
    I love your blog…

  8. philosopherP Avatar

    I read with a blog reader — and they’ve screwed up the code so comment blocks are equivalent to pop-ups….so commenting is a pain…

    That being said, I really like reading what you write — for all the reasons above. Don’t let your critics define you —

  9. Jaz Avatar

    RG, I read your blog every day and have for a few years now, I just never comment because I don’t read comments – frankly, there is too high a chance that someone is going to say something ugly that will ruin the blog for me. I’m sorry that’s true about writing, too. But please keep going, we all really want to know what’s going to happen next 🙂

  10. Andy Avatar

    Hey RG

    There are arseholes in all walks of life. You get them everywhere from customers who visit your restaurant to sad types who make bad comments on your blog from the anonymity of their computer screen while sat in their parent’s basement.

    I’m not surprised they have finally made you comment but honestly, ignore them and while they won’t go away they might be less inclined to comment if they see you’re not reacting. Now you’ve ‘reacted’ it might make them continue or try harder but as you’ve seen from the comments so far, more people love you than diss you so please don’t stop writing.

    I personally love your stories about dealing with arsehold customers but what you write about your personal life draws me in every time.

    London UK

  11. Kim Ayres Avatar

    You love writing. We love reading your writing. It’s a win-win situation… most of the time.

    It never ceases to amaze me how some people can so misread a blog post, or feel that they have the right to morally judge you. But it happens a lot. At the weekend I saw it hapening over at Resident Alien – another favourite read of mine – where she got accused of the very thing she was attacking.

    Fortunately most of the people who misread my blog, comment in an unoffensive way, even it if is painfully obvious they missed the point.

    Don’t let complete strangers who you’ve never met, don’t know you, judge you by a completely different set of standards.

    I really enjoy reading your blog – and clearly so do many other people.

    Smile – we’re all giving you a hug 🙂

  12. Mike Avatar

    Please keep writing on this blog… Long time reader, but first time posting a comment. I really enjoy reading your posts, and I can tell you have a real knack for writing. Even though I do not know you, I can tell through your writing (which comes off as very truthful, honest and real), that you are a very genuine person. Your stories really are very heartwarming, and by putting yourself out there, what you are going through each day, it must not only be very therapuetic for you, but for the reader as well. You are able to relate and share your experiences not only through the grand , exciting events, but also through the typical (and sometimes mundane) things we all experience each day, a true rarity. I know it is easy to get “bummed out” by the those type of comments, but remember there are alot of us out there reading who find your writing very refreshing.
    We tend to often think back on the “big events and experiences”, but I always think of this quote (not sure who to attribute it to, can’t remember) – “How we live our days, are in fact, how we live our lives”. Your ups and downs, your daily interactions with friends, customers and neighbors, all the uncertanties and questions that you blog about – thats whats really important, worthwhile and rewarding for you to write about, and for the reader to enjoy, ponder and reflect on…

  13. Joe Avatar

    Hi RG,

    I went back and read the comments in question… The mantra I come back to is “Will any of this matter in five years?” I mean the comments, not the daily struggles in your life.

    I suspect this will matter not… You write for you, not for us… It is your choice to accept or ignore each comment, see if you can take something valuable even from the negative comments and if so great, if not great… Don’t waste too much energy on em either way.

    My $0.02

  14. Alice Avatar

    I sincerely apologize for my contribution to this mess — to you, RG, and, as importantly, to the hundreds (or thousands) who visit here, read and enjoy.


  15. Julie Avatar

    I don’t know how I could start my day without you. I check in with you every morning before I start my workday.

    I haven’t been commenting much lately, but I’ve been lurking.

  16. Jessie Avatar

    I don’t comment much, but I read your blog every day. I’m trying to stay away from being sanctimonius here. I had an experience this year where people were commenting on my stories (I write for a newspaper) and making not only really bastard comments about my style of writing, but also about me personally. I can put up with people commenting on my writing because I’m a writer. Any criticism is good and helps me get a more objective perspective on my life. However, I think personal comments cross the line.

    It’s slightly (only very slightly) different for you, because you write a blog about your personal life. Personal comments are inevitable, but some cross the line. Calling you inhumane? Crosses the line. Telling you one person’s perspective on how you’re acting during your separation? Crosses the line. These are though, inevitable, because the internet is annonymous and anyone can post anything under any name.

    Anywho, I quit writing for several months because of what people said about me on those comments. Then I went insane with no outlet, so I started a blog and have been freelancing for another publication. I have no clue if thisis the same for you, but for me, writing is the way I get my emotions out. I’m bad at talking, I have to be able to write and rewrite to get things perfect. If writing is what you love, you might have to face the idea that people will assume they know you and post idiotic (and sometimes mean) things on whatever you write if it’s public.

    Again, not trying to lecture, I had to go through comment madness, so I feel like I can identify a tad with this. Hope you end up doing what it is you love to do. As for me personally, your blog is inspirational and reminds me to live each day joyfully.

  17. Shannon Avatar

    You’re like a great novel that I can’t rush to look at the last page to find out what happened! PLEASE DON’T STOP WRITING! I check your blog every morning to learn what happened next. And, although I am pulling for the ‘together again with Mr. RG’, I am thoroughly enjoying your journey, and your open heart in sharing it with us.
    You have fans!

  18. Tammy Avatar

    Dear RG,
    Please don’t stop writing!!! I so enjoy your stories and especially the stories of your change in your life – as I’ve gone through the same thing.
    I wish you all the best.

  19. Jennifer Avatar

    RG, let me add my voice to those asking that you please not give up your blog. I read the comments in question, too, and understand why you’re considering it. But every single really good blog I’ve ever read winds up with comments like that. If you were boring and wrote badly, no one would care!!! 😉 Not that it makes it any easier…

    Bottom line, you’ve got a lot of people here in cyberspace who are firmly in your corner, no matter what you do. We’d just really like to read about it all, if you don’t mind. 😉

    Hang in there, sweetie!!!

  20. Christine in LA Avatar

    Oh no! Please don’t stop. I come to your blog everyday because I enjoy how you write so much. I look to you, Dooce and SallyCat to see rich, powerful, lovely writing and I hate that some idiots make you not want to share anymore. I never understand these people that just have to make negative comments. If you don’t like something then don’t read it. Anyways I hope you don’t stop- I love your words so much! But if you end up deciding too- well thank you for sharing all that you have so far, I’ve really enjoyed it! But in the end I really just hope you don’t stop:)

  21. Jenn Avatar

    Please don’t stop writing. I know that you started writing for yourself but you have no idea how many good folks there are reading your journal now. To hell with the sanctimonious trolls. Little people like that aren’t worth giving up something you’ve done so much good with and touched so many lives through. If you do, then they win. Don’t let them win. I had to lock up my journal because of someone quite evil but I keep writing. Please keep writing… -Jenn

  22. carmen Avatar

    Hey RG, I read your blog everyday, though I haven’t commented before now. The thing I like best is that you appreciate the tiny special moments in life, both good and bad. It’s wonderful. Anyway, I do hope you keep the blog! But if you don’t, I’m glad you’ll continue writing.

  23. Katie Avatar

    Hi!, I just found your blog and I would be really disappointed if you stopped writing. I enjoy reading your heartfelt entries. You had me hooked after “accidental wedding” Keep up the great work!! -Katie

  24. John Avatar

    Dear RG:
    the only thing I can add is

    Best wishes,


  25. Jade Avatar

    Restaurant Girl–

    As I’m sure it’s been said before–please don’t give up. You write to release whatever pent-up emotions you can’t release elsewhere. You let us into your little world, your inner self. Don’t let some idiots fling you away from your creative outlet just because they nitpick at your writing style.

    Do what you think is right, but just know that you have a legion of people who’ll stand up for you when you need them the most. We’ll be the cloud you rest your feet on when you’re up on cloud 9 over a good time you had at the beach with RG Daughter, we’ll be underneath the lightning storm with you when you have a positively awful experience with your landlord.

    We read, we sympathesize, we send you invisible hugs from our own hearts.

    We care, some of us may not comment, but in our hearts, we care.

  26. Raven Avatar

    Please don’t stop. I read almost everyday, though I rarely comment. I even have you linked on my blog because you are one of my favorites.

  27. Debra Avatar

    Please don’t stop, I never write a comment but I had to today. Enjoy your wrting.

  28. patita Avatar

    I was thinking about you this weekend (as stuff that happens in life reminds one of things on blog). It occurred to me that you don’t give us all the details behind the situation. What you write *is your perspective* and not the whole story. You’re dignified/sensible/decent enough not to talk trash or to bring too much personal detail into the frame. I appreciate this immensely as it means that you’re withholding judgment and not getting mired in negativity. This is a point that anyone who seeks to criticize you should realize.

    But what you should really take from this is in the first clause up there–someone you don’t know was thinking about you, because of what you’ve written. And thinking about you brought some perspective to my life at a time when I needed it. Belated Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

  29. Melissa Avatar

    Don’t stop! I’d want to read this as a book, not just a blog. But I share your malaise: sometimes I want to pack it in, too. I hope you stick with it.

  30. Dave the Archivist Avatar
    Dave the Archivist

    Please keep going with your blog. You are a daily stop for me,

  31. L Avatar

    Hi RG,
    I don’t usually read the comments either, even though you sometimes comment yourself. So, I don’t usually comment 🙂
    But, I had to join the crowd this time to say, please don’t stop blogging on account of a few judgmental people.

  32. ellen Avatar

    whoa … hold the bus ….
    this is the comment area … so it means it’s open for … comments ….
    been a long time reader and enjoy it … doesn’t mean i would live my own life in just the same way but i can appreciate that we are only seeing a *thumbnail* sketch of someone else’s day to day life ….

    not sure that some comments are harsh as much as being the various readers own perspectives …. the view looking up the street doesn’t look the same as the view down the street ….

    and when all is said and done …. *shrug* … their just …. comments ….

  33. Rose Royce Avatar
    Rose Royce

    Hi RG, You’re a regular part of my life. I like checking in and seeing what you’re doing, how you are doing. I am somewhat of a hermit by nature or by nurture. Sometimes I don’t know what to say and I’m silent but thinking good thoughts for you and include you in my prayers. Maybe I don’t get it, as you mean it, but I’m getting something that makes me feel better or think and that’s good. Sometimes you need to say F–k this S–t and say what you need for yourself and ignore the comments. Any form of creativity/ Art must speak to YOU first and not those who might come along and comment on it in ignorance. Some people live to vent their hatred and destroy because they’re narrow and empty; don’t let them dictate how you express yourself.

  34. Rose Royce Avatar
    Rose Royce

    I went back and read the comments. I wasn’t aware of what was going on, because if I read the comments and they’re full of stupidity I just stop reading all the comments. I read you and not petty, judgmental people who leave comments and have shallow lives, narrow minds and the need to vent in anonymity because they either haven’t ever lived or are too busy categorizing people into tiny boxes they can fit in their small minds. Let God sort them out in the end, and please ignore the presumptuous mentally handicapped personalities that can’t stop commenting in the present.

  35. JoeInVegas Avatar

    Hmm, 34 comments. I would say that some people are reading and care, even if only we stupid ones comment in a way only we understand.
    But write because you want to write. Ignore the stupid (as you have to do in real life anyway) and live for the friendly.

  36. María José Avatar
    María José

    PLEASE DON’T STOP! I really love you writing, i come here every day looking for more… I think its really brave for you to put your life here for us. I think you are very brave in pretty much every way.
    And i think every relationship is a little world that only the ones in it can understand..

  37. Friend, S. Avatar
    Friend, S.

    I promised myself that I would stay away from this little dust-up, but I can no longer contain my anger. The last round of comments put me over the edge.


    How dare you come to this place, render judgment, then pronounce thrice that comments should not be limited to “validation.” Please go read this blog from day one along with all the comments, as I have several times over. The negative and questioning comments are more frequent than you might think. And in every case until today, RG has publicly (and privately, but you will have to take my word on that part) taken criticism with aplomb and grace. It is not your criticism that is unfair, it is the way you judge and then attempt to justify it.

    RG has chosen not to share with us the reasons behind her separation, her timeline as she has struggled with this separation or any details whatsoever about what might need to happen for her to reconcile with her husband. So, please don’t pretend you have anything about that figured out.

    What is clear from her writing is that she and her husband are SEPARATED. She is not on some vacation. It is also clear that she is hopeful that they will fix whatever lead them to this separation and reconcile. I, for one, believe her when she expresses that hope and am saddened when it appears that hope fades just a bit.

    I am thrilled you won’t be commenting anymore. I really wish you’d just leave all together. Take your pop psychology, your aggression, your defensiveness and your sanctimony and find someplace else to play and interfere.

  38. Angie Avatar

    Just another voice saying that I hope you keep up the blog. I really enjoy what you have to say.

  39. Emily Avatar

    RG – I believe I started reading your blog many months ago after I clicked on a link from another blog about working in the food industry. And your fascinating stories about the variety and spices of people in South Florida as well as your writing style has kept me coming back.

    If this is the end of the blogging road for you, thank you. Otherwise I look forward to your next installment 🙂

  40. Jaime Avatar

    I, too, have been reading & enjoying for quite a while now, though I rarely comment.

  41. The OE Avatar

    There are many times I also feel I cannot continue because so much of what I do must remain Top Secret due to National security

  42. Sharon Avatar

    Oh, I do hope you don’t stop. You’ve made me cry more than anything else online- I guess because I’ve been through some similar experiences- but in a good way. I would miss you if you were no longer here. And I do comment, once in a while.

  43. savannah Avatar

    *hugs* please don’t go away, sugar! xoxo

  44. laundramatic Avatar

    i comment very rarely, but i’m a faithful returning reader and your blog is one of the best on the web. Don’t let the haters get you down!

  45. Kevin Avatar

    I love to read your blog. Hope you don’t stop. But I understand if you feel the need to do so.

    Ignore the assholes is the best advice I can give.

  46. Anon Avatar

    I read on occasion. Only because I’m forgetful. And every time I come here, I’m so glad that I did. And I remind myself to come daily to check, even putting you in my newsreader. But then I ignore my newsreader.

    I love reading the words you write, RG. (I know there’s a followup post behind this one, but I had to get to the source of what all that was about and add my two cents.)

  47. RG Son Avatar
    RG Son

    You can’t sop, this blog practically got me a job!

  48. Rhia Avatar

    I’m a new reader, and I’m loving it. I think I hear what you are saying. Loud and clear. Don’t stop, unless it feels just the right time.

  49. Candi Avatar

    Hey RG! I love your writing. Don’t stop, especially because of a few moron critics who like to point out every single misspelling… or because some idiots who don’t get you. Trust me, your most valued readers get you, even if they aren’t leaving you comments all the time.


  50. Bob Avatar

    You really write some good things. I do enjoy reading the posts. Please keep it up, there are lots of people that read here. Thanks you Bob