April Fool

I live in limbo every single day. To stay here, or should I go? To live forever here, or should I only live here the length of my year-long lease? To reclaim my D.C. life, or should I embrace my Florida license plates as permanent?

To be single, or should I remember that I am still legally married?

To go home, or is home here? And who can ever really go home again?

The staff at my restaurant talked today of April Fools Day tricks and foolery. Have everyone call out. At 4:30, let’s all hide and make our GM think no one is here. When I left at 5 p.m., neither April Fools Day prank had played out. This was a good thing. Mostly, I despise April Fools Day.

This evening, I walked my dog. I met a friend for a drink. And as I drove him back to his car and made him promise not to drive for at least two hours, I thought this: I must be the April fool. I am driving someone back to his car because there is nothing more than this.

I should be home.







12 responses to “April Fool”

  1. Kim Ayres Avatar

    We think HOME is our location, but it’s actually our relationships

  2. Lana Wood Avatar
    Lana Wood

    Kim is right, home is where the heart is. Close your eyes, shut off the TV, and the computer, hug the dog and think, where is your heart? Then go there, wherever your heart takes you. Metaphorically speaking; homes need maintenance of course, but if it is where you are meant to be, the upkeep is worth the work. I can tell from what you write, especially lately, that you do not feel brave, but you are. It is such a good thing for yourself, and your kids, and the people in your life for you to make this exploration for yourself. If you find, like Dorothy, you had the power all along, you still needed to make the journey to learn that for yourself.

  3. namaste Avatar


    (me too. whatever that is.)

  4. Liz Avatar

    First, I love your blogs, though you can really tell how ambivalent you have been feeling this last year.

    My thought on this post, if you dont “know” if you should go “home” after a year, you are really just avoiding a decision you already know the answer to.

    Sometimes getting what we want is the scariest thing to ever happen.

    I hope you find your peace.


  5. Lisa Avatar

    In France (et au Quebec) April first is known as Poisson D’avril (or April Fish) and the “goal” of the day is to stick a paper fish on someone’s back without them noticing. Seems a lot nicer than April Fool’s jokes.
    As for knowing if you’re in the “right” spot, you might not know, but just remember – it’s not the journey, it’s the destination.

  6. Lisa Avatar

    Oops, I meant to write it’s not the destination, it’s the journey (that will teach me to post while studying and watching TV !)

  7. jali Avatar

    Sweetie, you ARE home. Whatever brought you to Florida was real.
    Has it changed enough for you to be happy again in DC?
    You don’t have to make a decision right now. Wait until after you’ve seen another perfect Florida sunset. Wait until you’re feeling a little better.

  8. upset waitress Avatar

    Heya RG. It’s been a while. You know, busy and such. South Florida crap. Tis the season bla bla bla. Anyway, I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned I was born and raised here. I fucking hate it. I swear if I had the op to get the hell out of this swamp I would be on my merry way. Well I’ve had plenty of op’s. I’m just scared to leave. But when I do leave, I’m going to go Antarctic on myself 🙂 Then probably run back home with a frosty ass! Anyway, DC just sounds nice to me.

  9. Ex-Restaurant Manager Avatar

    I think I understand what you’re going through. South Florida is certainly enticing and exciting. Having sultry weather while everyone else has gray, depressing snow is quite a decision-staller. But having a family support system close by would make it such an easier decision.

    Whatever you decide, you blog-family wishes you luck. If you’re not sure, ask your landlord if you can go month-to-month after your lease is up.

  10. boilover Avatar

    You should move to Cincinnati, the cost of living is better than both DC or S. Florida

  11. Lex Avatar

    I agree with all who’ve said that you already know the answer–you just need to let the fog burn off and believe it. I don’t know what that answer is, but your soul tells you every day. Let your soul make the decision, not your loneliness because loneliness will come and go–here or there.

  12. Jenni Avatar

    wow! you get such good advice from so many people.. (people who say it better than I can at the moment..)

    I’ve asked myself many of the questions you keep asking. sometimes I feel okay with my answers.. sometimes I don’t ..
    sometimes I feel like a nut.

    all I really want to say is that I feel for you, RG,

    and when you know where “home” is. send me your address! =) hugs to you