It curled like a ribbon, wafting upward, moving at its leisure until it was suddenly still, hanging, suspended. I watched the man take another draw on his cigar as he leaned back in his beach chair. I watched the smoke do its dance, again.

I hate cigars, and I despised this man for smoking one so close to my tiny, self-proclaimed beach space that I had no choice but to inhale its stale, cheap scent. As if I would appreciate the scent of a fine cigar. Because I wouldn’t.

Cigars remind me of one of my restaurant’s regular guests who walks in, sits down, talks, drinks–does everything except chew–with an unlit, half-smoked cigar in his mouth. Cigars conjure my step father, whom I miss on only very rare occasions, but whom I nevertheless admit to missing now and then, but only when I want to share a peculiar moment of my hospitality realm that was his livelihood, or to regale him about something RG Son or RG Daughter has accomplished, because I never accomplished enough in his eyes.

No, I don’t like cigars.

Later, when the breeze caressed my bare legs and arms like the softest of silk, as I walked my lizard-hunting pup along the quiet streets of my neighborhood, I smelled the fruit-infused smoke of a pipe I could not see. I envisioned a beautiful pipe in one of the nearby stucco homes, carefully polished and quietly cherished, only smoked at the calm end of the day.

I love the smell of pipe tobacco because it brings me close again to my uncle, gone now for 15 years, whom I miss all the time. He was always proud of me and my writing, and he adored my kids simply for their sweetness, because they were too young to have accomplished much when he died quite suddenly and quite young.

It had been a long time since I had breathed in the sweetness of pipe tobacco. I miss it, too, all the time.

Within a block, I was almost startled by the remarkably recognizable scent of weed emanating from the quite visible, hand-rolled cigarettes squeezed between the fingers of the teenage boys in the park. They made no attempt to hide their activity, so I made no attempt not to notice them. I watched the tallest of the group, his large hands and large feet yet to be grown into, suck the magic smoke deep into his lungs, hold it, and then exhale so very slowly.

How long has it been, I wondered as I watched this boy who no doubt makes his parents crazy with worry every day, how many decades? I say I never would again, and I won’t, I am pretty sure. But for just a moment, for just that precise moment at dusk on a quiet, breezy evening, I admit I wondered what it would feel like to inhale, one more time.

Dark now, the pup panting and tired, the breeze still, steps from my apartment, I stood transfixed and breathed deeply the soothing aroma of the sandlewood incense wafting through the screened porch of the group rental house next to my apartment building. For one last moment, the smoke carried me to the long-ago apartments of friends with whom I am now long out of touch. Faded, torn sofas covered in batik print cloths, soft-toned wind chimes, sparkling crystals in the living room windows. I breathed deeply, eyes closed.

I will never forget those young friends, no matter how long it has been since I have seen them, no matter how long it has been since I have even thought of them.

It is precisely at these quiet times, the times when the smoke swirls through the still warm air and the wind chimes sound and I am able to freeze the past in the present scent, that I would willingly pass through the stale smoke, the burnt residue, the sweet scent, the soothing aroma. I would inhale it all, very deep within me, not caring at all about the burn in my lungs.






12 responses to “Smokin’”

  1. Kim Ayres Avatar

    Beautifully written.

    Mind you I’d kill for a cigarette now, even though I gave up nearly 18 years ago…

  2. Julie Avatar

    It’s funny how smells trigger memories more than anything else.

    The smell of clove cigarettes always reminds me of my first year of college. Pipes remind me of being a little girl and sitting with my dad. Cigars remind me of sitting around sipping cocktails with my friends back in California.

    Cigarettes are my Achilles heel, though… I get cravings for them now and again.

  3. Tinker Avatar

    Smells go right to the mid-brain.

    I have smoked both cigars and pipes as regular part of my day, until the cigar madness hit, and drove cigar prices up, Pipes were the cheapest smoke, at least after the initial purchase. But the problem with pipes is every one else gets to smell the wonderful smell of pipe tobacco, while to the man smoking it, it just smells, at best neutral, possibley worse.

    So after asking questions of pipe smokers I formed a hypothesis. Pipe smoking is just like coffee, smells great at some remove, but rather bad at first hand. And the better the tobacco smells the worse it tastes, and vice versa. So as I valed my tastebuds, and other peoples noses, I gave it up.

  4. Don the retired restaurant manager Avatar
    Don the retired restaurant manager

    very nice….nothing like aroma to take you places you havent been to in a while

  5. Kevin Avatar

    Excellent writing.

  6. joeinvegas Avatar

    Yes, very nice images bouncing around in my head. Almost the same ones that you had. Thanks.

  7. Deanna Avatar

    This was really nice. Thanks!

  8. upset waitress Avatar

    I sooo want a cigarette right now. Cigar will do too. Anything with nicotine. Carbon monoxide would be better. Maybe go suck on the exhaust pipes of a semi-tractor or something. 🙂

  9. jali Avatar

    This is a masterpiece.
    I love this piece so much rg!

  10. Melanie Avatar

    That last graf was so moving I believe my eyes have gotten a bit watery. Such a beautiful and bittersweet sentiment so eloquently expressed.

  11. namaste Avatar

    Beautifully written. Come to think of it, I miss pot, too. If not for the smoking itself but for those moments that are now memories.

  12. car for party Avatar

    This holiday resort additionally comes with a unique Thai botanical herb steam remedy and daily
    yoga classes which may be complimented by health-conscious meals.

    How often were our hopes dashed on opening a beautifully
    wrapped gift to get sets of socks, or even a ‘good’ book, or perhaps a chemistry set.
    Our final possiblity to the origins our our holiday:
    It could be that we celebrate Valentines Day around the 14th because this
    may be the day that St.