Is everyone who is visiting here from D.C.? What are the odds that this keeps happening?
To the front office guy who called from D.C.: I would love to book the pro athletes you represent, the ones whom only I would know and appreciate, except–and this so pains me to say it–the private rooms are booked on that date! But hey, I used to have season tickets and I used to know all the players’ names…what? No, really, the rooms are booked, but…oh, well, I can suggest some other places, sure.
To the cute young man: You want to dance with me? Sure. You’re not from around here, are you? (No, it was not the K-Street-but-wish-I-was-on-the-Hill uniform that gave it away, really.) I KNEW you were from D.C. Let me guess, and don’t tell me. Lobbyist, trade association. What? You are shocked I knew this? I like you, cute, great dancer. And I have this Wonderful Friend in D.C. you would like…well, because it’s been great dancing with you, but I am a few years older than you…and she is a great gal…and, oh, no it’s not you…no, you’re terrific…no, you’re awesome, I mean it…it’s just I could almost be your mother…oh for God’s sake, want to see my driver’s license? On second thought, my Wonderful Friend probably doesn’t need this much of a challenge.
To the cute man closer to my age: What’s good here? Best line ever. Because I happen to love food, I will happily answer that question, whether you actually care about what’s good or not. Try the ahi tuna, don’t skip the steak. I’ve only been here twice, but I know. I moved here 6 months ago, that’s right. No, I don’t miss the weather up north. Wait, you are from McLean? You love the Eastern Shore of Maryland? Let’s talk blue crab, then. Of course you prefer Pier Street over The Crab Claw. What…now you know I can’t be making this stuff up? Why would you think I was? Never mind. Yeah, I am the real deal. I am a D.C. gal, as close to a real native as they get. Except, I guess I am not any longer, am I? Because you just asked me about other great restaurants here, not there. And I knew them.
To the cute girl and guy on their honeymoon: Yes, I worked there. For real. I know you know that place. I am sure you love that place. Doesn’t everyone in D.C.? You go there all the time? Cool. Do I like it here? Of course. You have to love here, right? The weather. The beach. “Coconut time,” as my daughter says. Well, yes, I have a daughter…yes, in college…for real. What, one of you went to Kansas? Can we talk football? I know, amazing season. Oh, sure, great to meet you. Your table is ready…see you soon…have fun. Go ‘Hawks! Ah, youth in love.
To myself: Going on six months. I know, not so very long to call anywhere home. Still, this place is quietly getting to me, like a slow-acting drug. So many light years from D.C., for sure. But I kind of like it here.