So Busted

Damn them to hell. Damn their concerned puppy-dog expressions. Damn all line cooks who care.

“RG, those fries are cold and old.”

“So, I’ll eat them. I am starving.”

“RG, no. Enough.”


“I’ll make you a nice salad, like I did yesterday,” said the younger of the two.

Enough what?

“Yeah, you liked it, didn’t you? I saw you, you ate it all.”

Do I look like a toddler?

“No, I’ll just grab a few more of these before you toss them,” I said, palming multiple cold strips of fried potato slices.

“RG, look over there. See that fruit salad? It’s fresh.”

All it took was that tiny distraction, and suddenly the oily, salt-crusted metal bowl that held the remains of an order of once great fries was gone. Gone! Whisked away for good.

I watched as the supposed good-cop chef casually dumped them in the trash.


“I’ll get you some fruit.”


“Here, doesn’t this look great?”

Tell me this isn’t playing out like I think it is. Tell me the lunch line cooks are not trying to save me from myself and my extreme addiction to fries.

“I added some extra grapes and blueberries for you. You should love it.”

Oh, for God’s sake. They actually mean this.

So I ate the fruit, and it was, indeed, wonderful and incredibly fresh.

And by 4:00. I was shaking hungry. STARVING. My fries usually hold me all day.

By 4:30 I was picking through olives and maraschino cherries from the bartender’s set ups.

By 5:15 I was eating family meal with the night shift, gulping down some kind of healthy stewed chicken and a salad.

By 7 p.m. I was home sipping wine, still kind of hungry.

Lesson learned: Scarf fries earlier during the day shift, while pointing to the bowls of fresh veggies and asking my awesome line cooks, “Could I have some of those later?”

Yeah, that should work.






12 responses to “So Busted”

  1. tazzie Avatar

    I’m sorry, but it won’t work. Trust me. When I was pregnant, I would try the french fry/hushpuppy bit. The kitchen guys (who were all easily 90lbs overweight themselves) would yell and chase me away from the junk food. I never saw so many pots and pans waved at me in my life!!! They made me eat lots of fish and fruit… damn them… Good luck w/swipin those fries!!

  2. upset waitress Avatar

    Another good tactic is to swipe them from customers plates before they’re served.

  3. John Avatar

    OK, RG, you now know you have a family at your new location. Love includes the willingness to support and be supported, so be supported.

    Add some protein to the salad, and you won’t need the fat from the fries to last you all day.


  4. Tessa Avatar

    Oh, that’s one of my pet peeves–people “saving me from myself”–well intentioned though it may be. (I once got really hot about a guy taking my garbage out for me. It was full, sure, but I was going to take it out myself! Ok…a slight overreaction, I’ll admit.) I agree with Upset Waitress…siphoning a fry or two off of each customer’s plate should keep you full and the link cooks will never be the wiser! 😉

  5. Natalie Avatar

    Being a fry girl myself, I can totally understand. I like fruits and veggies, really I do. And if served to me, I will gladly eat them, but when I go out and a place has great fries, you know I’ll be eating fries.

  6. Augs Avatar

    Hmm, fries……How come the stuff that’s suppose to be good for you is never filling? I love fruit but it take a billion grapes, raspberries, blueberries to fill me up. Reckon I can eat an apple or two…

  7. Kim Ayres Avatar

    You have to have a balance. You need your fruit & veg, but you also need your protein and carbs.

    What you have to remember is that food isn’t JUST fuel. It’s also important for helping your body to stay healthy, your blood to flow, your bones to stay strong, your teeth and hair to stay in, and keep illnesses to a minumum.

    The wrong balance can also profoundly affect your moods.

    But I only nag because I care.

  8. Dennis Avatar

    Tessa, NEVER agree with Upset Waitress…at least where she can hear you. It just encourages her. I must admit, though, her/your idea makes sense. Much better than my tactic of swiping them from a customer’s plate after they’ve been served.

    Great post, RG. Love to read you.


    – Dennis

  9. Canadian Girl Avatar

    I guess you didn’t try to convince them with your “wine and fries are fruits and veggies” line?

  10. Tinker Avatar

    I do NOT want to read here that you were just diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. You need about 5 ounces of protein to round out the fruits vegetables and/or salad. If you are intersted you might look up “Glycemic Index” and see how that applies to your eating habits.

  11. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    So many ideas, so many concerns to ponder!

    Tazzie–We understand each other, for sure.

    Upset Waitress–You have a great idea, as always.

    John–Lest you and Kim and Tinker should worry too much, I do manage plenty of protein (always an egg white omelette in the morning, lots of low-fat cheese), it’s the fruits and veggies I need to add more of. OKAY! I promise, I have already improved my intake this week. Just ask the line cooks!

    Natalie–Five Guys, my fave for fries. Don’t know if they have made it west, because they only just made it down here in South Florida. All over DC, and always great.

    Tessa–Of course we agree with Upset Waitress!

    Augs–See, that’s the problem. Takes too many and too long to eat it!

    Kim–I know you care, and I love you for it. But, um, pass the salt, please.

    Dennis–See, even you agree with UW on this one!

    Canadian Girl–Yeah, you’d have thought that might have worked. Although I did bring in an orange, left it out for them to see I had it, and they left me a modest few fries at the end of yesterday’s shift. I still haven’t eaten that orange, however.

    Tinker–You worry too much!! But I know that’s your deal with me. Always nice to know you’re fretting on my behalf. 🙂

  12. Lex Avatar

    I want your genes!!!!!