In My Perfect World…

“If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.” –Jimmy Buffet

In a flash, in a moment, all that was past is past, and my future begins.

I will have to learn much, and I will have to be patient. But Miss Nancy tells me, “You will get it. I’ll make sure of it.” If I don’t, she adds, “We’ll post another help wanted sign in the window.”

I feel her faith in me.

I may not know how to evenly slice a pizza, or what order the toppings go on, but I know guests and their desire to be seated quickly so they can enjoy the best pie in town. And Miss Nancy knows I know this, and she is willing to give me a chance. So does her sister, Miss Betty. Because they have opened their second restaurant–Big Al’s Pizza Palace II–in the busiest strip mall in the county.

And they want a damn good party person to book the round table in the middle of it all.

But, I had to tell them both about my blog. I felt that was only fair.

I explained that I wanted to share my thoughts and stories, but would remain anonymous–unknown to anyone–telling stories about things that happened in the restaurant–and anything else that came to mind–to reflect on life in general.

Miss Nancy was intrigued. “So, you’ll write about our restaurant, and you won’t mention the name? Why not?”

Miss Betty said, her smile as wide as ever, “Hon, this business is all about our name! Use it!”

Now I was intrigued. “It’s best to keep it unknown–which I can do now that I am working in a new restaurant. No one will ever know where I am–trust me. Then you can make the best gourmet pizza in the city, I will work hard for you, and I can still write my stories.”

Miss Nancy seemed almost bored with my concern. “We make the best pizza, anyway. Might as well tell folks.”

Miss Betty looked right at me, and said: “Hon, write whatever you feel like. Me, I always hated writing papers in high school, so I don’t get why you even want to!”

Now I faced a dilemma, one I didn’t expect. They didn’t care if I wrote about them, even by name? Yikes!

I had to try one last argument to get them to see my point: “Miss Nancy, Miss Betty, maybe you don’t know about them–the phoodies. They could post messages on a grocery store bulletin board about this place and rant and rave like it’s their job. Don’t you get it, they could say I, um, SHILL for your restaurant!”

Miss Nancy stared long and hard at me, our gazes unbroken. Miss Betty looked down at the floor and shook her head, almost like she was trying not to laugh.

“Gal,” Miss Nancy said, “What we make here–it’s just food. Good pizza, yes–but just food, okay? Eat a thin crust now, it’s crap six hours later!”

“Ha! Like my sister says, lighten up, already! Write whatever the hell you want,” said Miss Betty, winking.

I had to stifle a smile at their simple, yet perfect logic.

“Yes, Gal, you go ahead and do your blog,” Miss Nancy continued. “You blog everyday. We couldn’t care less. Although you might mention the great pizza we serve, you know, now and then.”

Then she stood up straight–it’s a no-nonsense posture I am beginning to recognize. “But not while you are on the job here at the Palace II. You blog on your own time. We have work to do here. And you better be booking that party table every night with T-ball players and their parents for the first seating, and those crazy dodge ball teams for the late-night special!”

“Tell ’em to come on in, dirty jerseys and all!” laughed Miss Betty.

God love them. My freedom to work and write!

“Blog it!” they say.

Don’t you worry, Miss Nancy and Miss Betty, best bosses ever–I will.


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56 responses to “In My Perfect World…”

  1. HeadHurt Avatar

    Is this post a joke or something? I really don’t see any humor in this. You ought to be ashamed, RG! ๐Ÿ™

  2. DuhHug Avatar

    I would really have to wonder whether Miss Nancy or Miss Betty truly understand how your blog could affect their business. I saw your Barbie post, “Scenes from the Podium” from last summer, and frankly, I fail to see what others see in your sense of humor! You are snarky, RG! ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

  3. krakked Avatar

    Na na na na na, I outed youuuuuuuuuuuuu. Youuuuuuuuuu got in troubbbbbbbbbble. Ha ha ha ha ha.

  4. DanOrs Avatar

    Hey, hey, folks lighten up! ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  5. TreeSnore Avatar

    Yeah, well, I for one think the Gal SUCKS. Just SUCKS. OKAY–SHE S-U-C-K-S! I HATE HER! I HATE HER! I HATE HER!!!! ๐Ÿ˜ก

  6. DanOrs Avatar

    Hypotheically, Treesnore, what if you got the point, then what? You might like her, I mean her stories, of course. I am just saying…

  7. HeadHurt Avatar

    Um, could we just get back to THE POINT. This blogger — oh sorry, this “anonymous” blogger — deserved everything she got. And I don’t care if anything I or anyone else said on our phoodie bulletin board at Vonns grocery store got her fired or made her quit her other job. I mean, anyone who blogs about work better take the heat if they get found out. And I think she kind of liked the thrill of getting found out–you know being known at every grocery store in town, where we post! Tough Sh– RG! ๐Ÿ™„

  8. Eggplant Avatar

    Wait, I just came online and don’t understand this thread. I just wanted to see what RG was up to. Someone outed her? Why?

  9. TreeSnore Avatar

    Hey Eggplant, who are you? Her kid–RGD–or something? Better let us know if you’re shilling for her without telling us who you are! ‘Cause we’ll nail you. ๐Ÿ˜ก

  10. Eggplant Avatar

    Huh? I am a 35-year-old single guy who’s always looking for the next best white pizza. But as for RG, I’ve read her stories. I mean, I always figured she didn’t feel like making herself known. I knew she was in a certain city, kind of guessed at the place she worked. So what? Now, I’d like to book a party at her new place–with my team. Thin crust with feta, artichoke hearts and black olives, yum!

  11. HeadHurt Avatar

    What? Are you KIDDING?? Eggplant, this isn’t about her blog, or her writing, or if she wanted to be unknown or any of that. It’s all about me and my right to eat in a public place and not have ANYONE look at me in case I have food in my teeth, much less write about me. No one, okay? Unless it’s a cute guy at the bar ๐Ÿ™‚ Ha ha, then, I’ll write him up! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  12. krakked Avatar

    OMG Headhurt, I am so there with you for a Cosmo. Anyway, I just want everyone to know, I started this whole outing thing, and I am proud of it! ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. DuhHug Avatar

    There is a much greater point to be made here, in my very important opinion. RG has lots of readers, and they seem to like her writing. But you know what? I think her whole blog is a FAKE. I think she makes up every last word of it and her “loyal” legion of readers should call her out on it. I think she actually works at Vonns–or Safeway! Maybe even Piggly Wiggly! Yeah that’s it! Gottcha, Grocery Gal! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  14. Eggplant Avatar

    So, if it’s all made up, how come she was outed? I mean, can an anonymous blogger be outed if it’s all fake? I mean, who really cares anyway?

  15. TreesSnore Avatar

    Whatever, you freak.

  16. Headhurt Avatar

    Wait. What? What??

  17. krakked Avatar

    I still outed her first!

    Me!

  18. DuhHug Avatar

    She deserved it! She’s a fake! No, she’s for real! No, she works in a restaurant! No, she works at Safeway AND Vonns AND Piggly Wiggly! We will follow her wherever she writes! This outing is just the beginning! We’ll out her in every state, in every grocery store, in every restaurant! Then we’ll go back to Big Al’s Pizza Palace II, and we’ll out her again! Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  19. DanOrs Avatar

    Um, with apologies to a certain DNC Chairmain, duhhug!

  20. DuhHug Avatar

    You makin’ fun of me? Of me????

  21. DanOrs Avatar

    Hey hungry Orwellians–speculate: Do we still not get it? โ“

  22. eggplant Avatar

    Well, I don’t know if I get it or not, but I can’t wait to read her stories again, and I’m going to Big Al’s Pizza Palace II for an asiago and mushroom extra thin pie. And I need to pick up some milk and toilet paper at the grocery store next door.

    Anyone there with me?

  23. summermaugh Avatar

    You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches them tolerance.

    –W. Somerset Maugham

  24. Jasini Avatar

    I’m glad to hear you found a new job so quickly. I hope it goes well for you.

  25. anonymous Avatar
    anonymous

    Are you guys for real? You’re actually proud of yourselves for outing a blogger and relishing in the fact it might have led to the end of her last job? (And BTW, who cares if you were the first or not?) Get a life! If you want to go through life without fear of anyone making a judgement of you, you may want to consider staying home since people tend to judge others. It’s just human nature. As long as a person does it without naming names, who cares? And for the record, I’ve read all her blogs and none of them are really mean that I can recall. They’re just observations on life and the restaurant business.

    RG….please ignore these petty people and comments and keep writing if you want to. Thanks for the good posts!

  26. Former Hostess Avatar
    Former Hostess

    RG – I had a terrible day today at work…and this post totally made my day better! This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

    Jasini – this is a total satire post, comments and all! (At least it HAS to be – note the “phoodie” site!).

    RG, satire or not, I love it. I’m glad you can take an icky situation like we’ve seen over the past few posts and laugh about it. I look forward to your upcoming posts on the “pizza palace” or wherever you may land!

  27. Shodan Avatar
    Shodan

    Holy cow, what a pile of assholes. rg, if this is what you’re stressing over, fugeddabout it. who give’s a rat’s ass about morons like these? Hey, Dipwad, if her blog is anonymous and she blogs about you being a jerk in her restaurant, who’s gonna know except you and her? And, of course, the rest of the paying customers that had to listen to your shit….

    No offense meant to Jasini, Summermaugh and Eggplant…..

  28. Shodan Avatar
    Shodan

    And, by the way, congratulations on getting a new job so fast.

  29. Shodan Avatar
    Shodan

    Uh, Former, jerks like this really do exist in the blogosphere…….

  30. Jasini Avatar

    Well, I did notice that the first 20 or so comments were coming in at about 1 minute intervals, and that they all linked to the same fake website, so I figured that they were either one person, or a small group of people acting in collusion. Probably the former.

  31. Adrienblake Avatar
    Adrienblake

    RG – thanks for the great post, satire or not. I’ve had a long week working over Thanksgiving (my advisor/mentor/boss doesn’t “believe” in holidays……..) and your humor and tenacity always helps. Best of luck in your next venture.

  32. Elf Avatar
    Elf

    I cannot believe the initial posts here. If you enjoy reading this blog, read this blog. If you do not enjoy reading this blog, do not read it. Whatever your reasons. Too snarky? Move along. See yourself too clearly for the d-bag you are? Move along.
    For those of you that ‘outed’ RG… here’s your cookie. Assuming you’re not a troll, you clearly need some sort of approval or pat on the back – here you go. Move along now, and let RG do what RG wants to do. Be mature (for a change), and move along.
    For those that are concerned that their actions will be posted in an unflattering light – well, grow up. You know, there are people around you all the time, that could be *gasp* bloggers. Even if those people you’re treating like crap aren’t bloggers, they probably still have negative thoughts about you. Most of the people that read this blog have ZERO idea who you are – you could be a fictitous character with stuff in your teeth – we don’t care. The stories are entertaining, and ring true to many of us – that’s why we come back.
    You can make it your life’s work to be paranoid about all the Bloggers out there tracking your every move. You can come to this place and vent at the one you think you “know.” But keep in mind, this is RG’s site. This is where she comes to tell her stories, and I think it’s downright rude of you to basically crap in her house.
    So, to those that were posting the BS above – from one person that you don’t know, that doesn’t have a blog – I think you’re worthless immature human beings, based solely on your interactions here. Does this offend? Move along.

    PS – because I can smell it coming – no, I’m in no way shape or form associated with RG – I’m just a random person out here on the internet that was finally ticked off enough to make a comment.

  33. Former Hostess Avatar
    Former Hostess

    Well, Shodan, I don’t doubt that there are jerks out there like this (i.e., some commented a few posts ago). But I’m guessing this post is a satire because some of the comments link to a site that has:
    “Discounted Beano Delivered In A Brown Paper Wrapper: Get your gastro meds here!”
    oh, and a thread entitled: “Seeking Warm Bodies…Any Warm Bodies, By: desparatechef”
    I’m with Adrienblake…I think this post is totally laughing off some of the recent, um, tense posts/comments RG’s blog has seen…love it!

  34. Former Hostess Avatar
    Former Hostess

    PS – Rock on, Elf!

  35. Gal's Daughter Avatar
    Gal’s Daughter

    hahaha!

  36. Ashlea Avatar
    Ashlea

    Congrats on the new Job, RS! And in the pizza business no doubt! That’s gonna fun. Hope you enjoy it and are happy! It seems to me that management type stuff never was your forte, but simply making people happy was. ^^

  37. GetALife Avatar
    GetALife

    Do you really think those inital comments were not done by RG? She needs to get a life.

  38. Julie Avatar
    Julie

    Elf — I couldn’t think of a better way to respond to those comments. Thanks for doing it so well.

    RG — Sounds like you’re going to be busy booking parties there. I hope you love it.

  39. Natalie Avatar

    I LOVE IT!!!

  40. Jaz Avatar

    From fancy schmancy restaurant to the neighborhood “Dave’s Pizza”… YOU ROCK! ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you’re happy. EEP! RG! DUCK!!! Stupid people! ^ up there!! haha. ๐Ÿ™‚ Not all of ’em of course, but I could only read 8 or 10 posts before i didn’t want to read that swill any more. If people don’t like reading it, then why are they here reading it? :-O (mock look of surprise). Yep. Stupidity in action. Hang in there, do what makes YOU happy, and you’ll be fine. You don’t need to impress, and especially roll over for, the stupid people in the world that just want you to fail because they’re so threatened by you. Small people live small lives. Stupid people tear others down. Crabs in a bucket. ๐Ÿ˜€ See!? They’re even floating to the top!! hahaha I’m so greatly amused today. I hope you have a fabulous day Gal. ๐Ÿ˜€

  41. Phil Avatar

    RG – I told you there was a place for you at “Kenny & Bon’s Roasters”….why didn’t you call?

  42. Root Cause Analysis Avatar

    Snap out of it RG. This is who outed you BEFORE you moved to your swanky restaurant – check favs on left column.

    The foodie board kept silent for MONTHS, even when you said snarky things about them during swanky’s soft opening.

  43. Aaron DeLay Avatar

    I don’t get it.

  44. Aaron DeLay Avatar

    I should mention that my sense of humor was broken moments before I read this and I just got it fixed. Now….now I think get it.

    I should never try and read blogs at the start of an ugly workweek.

  45. Melissa McCart Avatar

    Root Analysis– I wish I could say I knew about Restaurant Gal before [C—] told me about it. But I found it [here], thanks to [C—]. (:

  46. DivaM Avatar
    DivaM

    mean people r teh suk

  47. DeeDee Avatar
    DeeDee

    In another venue, zygootes (sp?) like HeadHurt, DuhHug, krakked, TreeSnore and GetaLife are referred to as SNERTS (snot-nosed educationally restricted twerps) that obviously have too much time on their incomplete paws and not much else to commend them.

    I counted the pros and cons and it was 11 individuals supporting you and 5 SNERTS (there were some that I wasn’t sure of), so you’re definitely ahead of the game.

    Good luck to you and keep posting — are the ladies from the south? They sound like it!

  48. plainsfeminist Avatar

    Well…I feel foolish for not being able to figure out what’s real and what isn’t. But I love the post anyway – and if you’ve got the job, that’s awesome, and if it’s a parody, it’s funny. How’s that for fence-sitting?

    Anyway – I’m glad you’ve got your sense of humor and your pen (er, keyboard)!

  49. To2 Avatar
    To2

    RG, why are you so angry at everybody? Didnย’t you tell the general manager at the ย“swanky restaurantย” about your blog a long time ago? He posted a comment here in early October, so if you didnย’t tell him about the blog, how did he know? Who ย“outedย” you back then?

  50. Jo Avatar
    Jo

    I used to like reading this blog, but it’s become so angry at everything. I don’t agree with the people who outed you (because it seems a bit sad on their part to do it).

    However,I also feel that if you’re going to write about your place of work, you shouldn’t say anything under a pseudonym that you wouldn’t say to your boss, in person. Surely it was obvious that eventually you’d be outed, when so many of your readers had already worked out where you were? If you’d stuck to being upfront and honest about your blog with your boss, then you wouldn’t be in such a place now.

    So yeah. The ‘outers’ were idiots, but you were either foolish or naive in thinking you could stay annonymous forever.

  51. Waiter4you Avatar
    Waiter4you

    You don’t garner enough readers or comments so you have to post a psuedo fight to get things going? Not only do I agree with Jo about you being “naive” [yeah right] about thinking you should NOT be outed – but you are the epitome of a narcissist.

    You talk incensantly about how wonderful your skills are and what a great job you do, [oh and if we read about your prowress at your previous occupation one more time? gah -go BACK there already] but you are so thinly veiled as to be obvious about where you “worked”….then when you fail, it is someone else’s fault because they outed you?….Puhleese….it is a public blog – but YOU are supposed to get special treatment? no..and NO….

    The t ball teams don’t deserve you – you will spend your entire evening instructing parents on how to discipline their kids in public…b/c RGD and S are such perfectly lovely spawn of your loins that you raised …dare I say it? Perfectly.

    Oh that’s right…you already blogged about that too – aack.

    You either need to remove yourself from the blogging world or you need to stop working in the restaurant biz….you and pizza? ah…not so much.

  52. Former Hostess Avatar
    Former Hostess

    Waiter4you, you are an ass.

    Since you appear to be so totally disgusted with this blog, perhaps you might consider the following: stop reading it! Those of us who enjoy it will continue reading it. You’re obviously free to do what you like and comment how you please, but since her blog does not seem to be written to your exacting standards, I might suggest reading another blog.

    There is a level of sophisticated humor in this particular post that apparently was well over your head. Oh well. I had a good laugh from it.

    Oh, and nice with the personal attacks on RG’s kids. That’s classy. Just because a mom loves her kids, let’s get her on that, too.

  53. Scott Avatar

    I stumbled upon this blog through another of my favorites, and I’m shocked at these comments. Before hitting this thread, I read a number of posts and quickly fell in love with RG’s writing style. Then I come in here and find nothing but accusations and self-congratulatory “outtings”. WTF? If you don’t like her writing, just move on to another blog. I was especially struck by the person complaining that she didn’t want some restaurant employee writing about her food stuck on her teeth. Ok, writers should never write about the actions of those they encounter in their day to day life. That makes a lot of sense. I have no idea who RG is, or even where she resides…and I really doubt that any of her co-workers or (especially) customers would even recognize themselves if they by chance stumbled upon this site.

  54. j Avatar
    j

    Wow you fools are really that bored huh? You outed somebody, whoop-de-doo. Maybe it validates your reason to be alive?

    Besides, when it comes down to it, it’s not really about the place of employement or the person, it’s about the stories and what they convey. If you are too busy trying to figure out who said what or is this person or whatever, than why bother even coming here at all? You just make yourselves look foolish, because nobody cares who RG really is or where she works or whatever. You just look like assholes with nothing better to do. Go ahead and justify it for yourselves and pat yourselves on the back, but nobody really cares about you when the day is over.

    And HeadHurt, when you are in public you will always be scrutinized.

    I guess the moral is look out for those crazy grocery store shopping website posters! They will get you!!11one Everyone will kno!!1

  55. j Avatar
    j

    and to scott

    they should always write about day to day experiences and people they interact with. After-all, what would there be to write about? If I acted like a true ass when I was out in public, and it wound up being online, I would inevitably deserve it, because I was in public for one, and for two I acted like an ass, and when is that really necessary? People are so pompous.

    This site is awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

  56. what? Avatar
    what?

    whatever

    Nice post RG. Keep it up.