Mama Always Said–Never Out a Blogger

I’m over it, now. Mostly.

I’m still employed. Thankfully.

Restaurant Gal Daughter periodically uses a great phrase, which I think is appropriate here:

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

For the record, Captain Obvious, it is incredibly bad form–nay, it is the absolute worst kind of form–to out a blogger who clearly wishes to be anonymous. That’s right. You know who you are.

To the plural Captain Obvious who outed me in my city–I find you loathsome.

To those of you who read the outers’ comments and chose to ignore them–I thank you, from my heart.

Let us consider, Captain Obvious, what happens when you out a blogger:

* Out a blogger you love to read, and you could cause them to be fired. Yeah, you are messing with real people, and real people’s jobs. Oh yeah, and then you’ll never being able to read them again–because they can no longer write, or they have to go that far underground to a place you’ll never be privy to.

* Out a blogger who has only ever asked of her readers, “Let’s not name names,” and you simply show your self aggrandizement as Captain Obvious, nothing more.

* Out a blogger, and blame it on the blogger who “didn’t hide her identity and her city enough” and you out yourself as someone who may want to consider living a life beyond foodie blogs.

Out me?

Frankly, Captain Obvious, my readers hail from all over the world, from many incredible places far outside of this city. They don’t give a damn who I am, or where I am from, or or what my title is, or anything else that gives me up.

They care about what my blog cares about–life’s lessons, life’s trials, life’s sheer bliss.

To those who outed me in my city: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

To those who continue to read between all my lines: Please–read on, and on, and on. I welcome your comments and thoughts.

And I will keep writing.

Because I am, Captain Obvious, the Restaurant Gal you’ll never truly know.






37 responses to “Mama Always Said–Never Out a Blogger”

  1. Ax Avatar

    Sorry to hear about the Caption Oblivious….

    I guess it caused some stress. To be honest, I would think your blog would be a good thing for a restaurant to be associated with.

    There’s a term for that — getting dooced. Comes from a blogger who was fired.

  2. Edith Avatar

    RIGHT ON!! And Please WRITE ON… You’re an Inspiration.

  3. Former Hostess Avatar
    Former Hostess

    I call them ignorant. If that’s all they have going on in their lives – outing folks – then perhaps they should think about getting real lives…and learning about respecting other people in the process.

    Carry on, RG!

  4. sueybear Avatar

    I’ve been reading your blog for a couple weeks now, I love it, and the person who outed you deserves a big wet skanky fishslap across their face.

    Keep up the good work, RG!

  5. Cazza Avatar

    I read you from Australia and, frankly, couldn’t give a colonial fart who you are or where you work. I just love the way you use words and I love the insight you provide with your stories.

    Someone obviously needed to feel clever and important. How sad.

  6. Sonja Avatar

    I am sorry to hear that there are still people in this world who think that their self-righteousness is more important that other people´s privacy.
    I could use a variety of names to describe my feelings towards them – but I don´t.

    Greetings from Germany – I could either not care less about WHO you are or WHERE you live – but I do love you writing and insights in life – please keep on inspiring me! Don´t let those (insert bad word of you personal choice) get to you!

  7. Marie Avatar

    I’m not sure I fully understand what happened (I must have missed an episode), but I get the general idea.
    This kind of behaviour (Captain-obviousness) looks to me like deliberate malevolence or plain dumbness, I don’t know which one is worse.

  8. Julie Avatar

    Restaurant Gal, I currently live in Chicago. I’ve lived in New York, San Francisco, and Minneapolis. Your stories always remind me of somewhere I’ve lived — and it changes. Where you are is irrelevant.

    Who you are is irrelevant as well. I’d like to think I’m more courteous at restaurants because I don’t know who or where you are… The person I’m talking to just might be you.

  9. patita Avatar

    Ugh, sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with this. I hope there are no repercussions! You write with respect for people (unless they’ve gone out of their way to dissuade you of this approach). Good luck wherever you are and I look forward to reading more from you!

  10. shakennotstirred Avatar

    How oblivious can some people be? Don’t they know that it changes *everything* when you call someone out? Ridiculous!
    Glad to hear you’re going to keep going Gal! I read every day (though I don’t always comment).

  11. Mike Avatar

    Perhaps you should think about who is the one that outed you. You (or someone associated with you, still not certain if MRG is you or your husband) posted in the thread in question related to your place of employment. Others took offense that you were posting about your place of employment without stating that you were employed by that restaurant (which is strictly against the rules of the community you were posting within). From your own actual post you made it very apparent you were associated with the restaurant that you work at. A number of us knew exactly who you worked for as it’s rather obvious if you live in that city and read your blog where you work, but didn’t particularly care. I love reading your blog and waiter’s blog for the insights into the business. However, when you start shilling for your restaurant in a thread in a community and don’t have the common decency to state that you work for the restaurant that you’re playing up, people can (and did) take offense.

  12. Edith Avatar

    Wow. Let me respond to Mike’s post so that RG doesn’t have to. I happen to be a member of the thread community RG posted in. It was an innocent anonymous post, didn’t promote anything, and could have remained just that. Instead a few self-important fools made the connection (I had not myself), outed RG, and have piled on a list of baseless, crass accusations. I have lost much respect for the opinions of those posting on that other thread, and gained much for the classiness of RG and her boss. Now please go away Mike, and do not be so irresponsible as to mislead the readers of delightful blog.

  13. zack Avatar

    sux… just happened to another fellow blogger as well, the assbrain printed out her entire archive and sent to her strait edge folks… shit went down, and after being called out about it, the anon person sent another copy to her private school/college and more shit went down for her… she canceled her blog and is posting underground… lame… i hope you keep keeping on!!! lovin it…

  14. Mr. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Mr. Restaurant Gal

    Hey Mike:

    Pal, you’ve got a lot of nerve talking to my wife like that. A little quick with the accusations, aren’t you? Too bad you couldn’t be bothered with facts.

    Must be true what they say about a guilty conscience needing no accuser. Or you might prefer Shakespeare: Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind; the thief doth fear each bush an officer. Look it up, you twit.

  15. Mike Avatar

    Quick with the accusations? YOU posted in the thread (about the restaurant) with the name of MRG intimating that you were associated with the restaurant. How in the world could someone NOT pick up that you were associated with the restaurant? So when someone asks you if you are associated with the restaurant (which you basically posted that you were), you get upset?

    As I said before, I’ve liked reading this blog, RG is a good writer and makes the content interesting to read. However, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t be both an anonymous blogger as well as someone that posts in the thread about their restaurant and says they are associated with the restaurant, playing up the restaurant in the process.

  16. Mr. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Mr. Restaurant Gal

    What upsets me is when some pinhead guy comes on my own wife’s blog and starts tossing falsehoods around like they were facts. The way I see it you’re calling my wife a liar, and I don’t care for that much.

    You’ve justified this whole thing in your own mind on the basis of more than a few things that are flat not true. AND you’ve made fundamental error which puts lie to everything else you say on the topic: there was nothing on that board that connected the restaurant to this blog until two posters, one of whom was presumably you, took it upon themselves to write about it. On two separate occasions.

    I stand by my earlier assessment: you’re a twit. You’re in a hole and don’t even know enough to stop digging.

  17. Mike Avatar

    What have I ever stated that was a lie?

    1) I stated that you posted in the thread for RG’s restaurant about the restaurant
    2) I’ve stated that you intimated that you were associated with an AGM at the restaurant (both in the same post on 11/14/2006 at 10:24PM)
    3) I’ve stated that you didn’t disclose your association with that restaurant

    Are any of those false? I don’t believe so. You CAN’T have it both ways. You can’t both post anonymously and play up the restaurant(s) that you have an association with. Other people associated with restaurants post in that community fairly frequently and it’s typically encouraged as we tend to love to see what’s going on. However, they state their association with their restaurants in their posts. That way others can look at those posts however they want. If there is some cheerleading going on (which your claim of the “highest-class pre-game preparation in the city” seems to be) people can judge that on their own.

    I do find it interesting that an entry was made here stating half of the truth and then when I attempt to state the other half I’m attacked by you. I do not have to justify anything in my own mind. I am quite comfortable with everything I have written, as anyone should be that posts in a public forum. As a matter of fact, I did not post in that thread at all. I have posted a number of times in the other thread to discuss the matter.

    It comes down to a very simple point. No one cared one bit (or at least I certainly didn’t. I, of course, can’t speak for everyone else) that RG is writing an anonymous blog, even though a number of us knew the restaurant involved, the GM, and the chef from the postings she’s written. No one cared one bit that you were posting in the community. However, what I (and evidently some others) do care about is when someone associated with a restaurant comes into a thread about that restaurant and posts without letting people know they are associated with that restaurant.

    P.S. I do love how you immediately jump to personal insults, calling me a twit and all. Oh, and that strikeout font thing, definitely original.

  18. sueybear Avatar

    Ok guys, timeout!

    How about posting a link to the relevant thread so we can form our own (unspoken) opinions on what’s going on?
    Obviously, RG is upset about it.
    Mike – there’s no need to start an argument in here, it’s a comments thread, not a messageboard.
    And MRG, that goes for you too! I know you’re sticking up for RG, and I don’t blame you, but I think most of us are going WTF?
    We have no idea what prompted RG to make the post (other than the obvious), so come on, give us a chance to make our own decisions!

  19. Mike Avatar

    If RG and MRG want to post a link to the thread(s) involved, they are free to, I’ll leave that up to them. I’ve purposely made certain not to link the two because at the moment it’s only people in the town that could put 2 and 2 together (as the community in question is specific to the city we all are in)…

  20. mur Avatar

    I”m sorry for the situation that led to RG’s sense of betrayal, both RG’s and MRG’s outrage, and the overall sad tone. I’ve been thinking about using a blog to share some of my writings, but this has given me pause.

    I’ve got some tart responses to those responsible playing in my head, but can’t see how it would help anyone.

    RG, I hope that you continue your thoughtful posts. Just like you said, I come here to see how a fellow traveler navigates life’s trials nd celebrates moments of bliss. If you can, keep on keeping on.

  21. Restaurant Gal Avatar
    Restaurant Gal

    Um, I just got home from a 12-hour day. Looks like some sharp barbs went back and forth while I was touching tables.

    Mr. Restaurant Gal, as you know, I adore you for your support, but I will take it from here.

    As for you, Mike, here’s the reality: I was outed the first time on that blog three weeks ago and then again earlier this week–well before any comments from the person you think is me or Mr. Restaurant Gal were made on that food blog. I don’t post, never will post, and frankly never read the foodie blog in question until several people alerted me to being outed.

    Sorry a funny comment made without my knowledge about my passion for hockey (although I do wish I could go to a game again sometime soon and I have had some fun when guests wearing opposing team jerseys come in!) was interpreted as an invitation to out me again for a third time.

    With that said, Mike, this conversation is now over.

  22. Anonymous Avatar

    Restaurant Gal – I enjoy your writing, as well as your passion for the industry. You really have a way with words and the blog is a fun read. But I think it was naive of you to think that, in posting for all the word to see, your anonymity would last forever.

    Lots of us have careers that would make fascinating blogs, however most make the decision that protecting one’s career is perhaps more important than posting details that could harm or even torpedo said career. It would be very fun to dish about the crazy things that happen every single day in my world, but what’s the point when to be discovered (and let’s face it: why would you post online if that isn’t part of the hope/fear) could bring my fun experiences to a speedy halt.

  23. anonymous Avatar

    A lot of bloggers neither want nor expect more than a few friends to read their blog. If that is the case there are ways to limit those who have access to the blog. As many have noted, blogs that are cast out onto the world wide web are meant to be read, they are not private diaries. Even if a blog doesn’t explicitly name an employer (or restaurant patron, or whatever), if one provides obvious clues about the identity to allow easy identification by anybody with even a small interest in knowing it, one has no right to get all shocked and bothered when the identity of that employer is “out there.” I think RG, whose blog I enjoy reading very much, would agree that was one of the worst kept foodie secrets in the city she works in – a city full of secrets. She had outed herself some time ago to many people in the industry and in the community, and it is rather naive to expect that it wouldn’t work itself benignly onto an internet foodie board with almost 2,000 members. Bottom line is that if one has something to hide, then hide it, and if one intends to blog about the private lives of real people, one should take into account the potential consequences.

  24. barockstar Avatar

    i agree with the above comment.

    however i don’t think that you’ve ever said anything on this blog that you could or should be terminated for, unless you have an ass for a boss who is just looking for an excuse.

    you need to remember and recognize that you are a published writer, where your words will forever be in cyberspace documenting your time and life here on earth, and will be around long after you are…

    people can be jerks, but in the business you’re in you are well aware of that fact.

    however you take the good with the bad, and carry on.
    keep up the posts.

  25. Former Hostess Avatar
    Former Hostess

    Of course RG knows she is writing for the public. She obviously knows her writing is honest and descriptive enough that local readers might figure out who she is. But, to me, anyway, I knew she didn’t want that to be what she’s all about. And I think it speaks highly of RG that she allowed those who must have done the outing to comment multiple times on her blog. She could have easily deleted them all.

    That’s why I love this blog, and love the next post about the valet. It shows RG is done with this whole mess, and that she will tell more stories for all of us who don’t care who and where she is.

  26. Jedi Jaz Avatar

    Interesting! I don’t care to read the ‘outing’ m’self, I just come back for the insights on life, the universe, and everything. Aside from it being fun to read what are, in essence, people’s intimate thoughts on things, reading and writing blogs are a way to connect with other people we wouldn’t have ever known. I’d like to think that if I did ever run into the Gal, I’d buy her a drink and have some good conversation. That’s all that matters to me, not trying to ‘figure it out’ and then shout from the rooftops how clever I am for having done so. >:P As it should be everyone else’s reason for coming back as well: to get to know another person in the world and how they see said world. In reality, connections between people are all we ever really have, and it’s stupidity to burn those bridges to be thought ‘clever’. If you are any particular ‘way’ about ANYTHING, people will figure it out on their own, you don’t have to go around telling them. LoL Ok, random thoughts over. Keep writing and i’ll keep reading. 🙂

  27. Gal's Daughter Avatar
    Gal’s Daughter


  28. Ish Avatar

    Just catching up reading your blog, I truly enjoy it. Very sorry to hear about Captain Oblivious. >:{ That really stinks. Don’t let crazies get to you. Keep on writting, and we’ll keep reading. 🙂 You’ve got one of the best blogs I’ve ever read, and it would be ashamed to stop due to those other people. Anyways, always enjoy reading your work. Yay Restaurant Girl!! You rock!!! 🙂

  29. Phil Avatar

    Rats! I missed it!

    Can you whisper it in my ear, RG? I promise I won’t tell….

  30. Merys Jones Avatar

    Darling Restaurant Gal! I live in the UK and have no idea who you are and where you work. I hadn’t checked you for a few days and missed all of the above – but please keep on writing!
    I neither care nor intend to find out who you are (being on t’other side of the pond) so I think you should ignore the idiots in the blogosphere and continue as though it never happened!

  31. Aaron DeLay Avatar

    Honestly. Internet Drama is for closers. If people have nothing better to do than to cause Internet Drama…good Lord! I’m praying for their souls tonight.

  32. Restaurant Gal Avatar

    Aaron–Could you save those prayers for me getting a great new job???

  33. Aaron DeLay Avatar

    I’m all over it…:)

  34. BunGirl Avatar

    Holey moley! I haven’t read you in a few weeks and look what happens!!!! The poop hits the fan!!!!
    Best of luck on your job search and everything else you do. I LOVE YOUR BLOG.

  35. what? Avatar

    I agree with bungirl, I stop reading for a few weeks and a lot of things happen!

    Don’t understand much of the problem, but I think Mike should’ve said something to you about not “listing your position” in the restaurant you work/worked or whatever, instead of just outing you.

    Bad, Mike, bad. You know you did wrong. If you messed up or if someone thought you messed up, you wouldn’t want that someone talking loudly about it in front of other people, now would you?

    Next time, when you have a problem with someone, tell them about it to their face, don’t whisper about it behind their backs (or out a person, in this case).

    Restaurant Gal, you still write beautifully, keep it up.

  36. Chris Avatar

    Gal, I’m sorry that this had to happen. I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning, and it has never failed to entertain. Here’s wishing you the best of luck with whatever you do; I’m sure you’ll do well. Shit happens, unfortunately, and you definitley have the brains and tenacity to come out relatively unscathed!

  37. j Avatar

    Man, some people are just really lame and have nothing better to do except continue to fester like mold on stale bread. I’m sure Darwin does a little jig every time an idiot’s brain fires it’s feeble electrical charges to form a thought. So much for natural selection, right?

    Bravo RG you continue to rock. Waiter Rant is what drew me over here and I’ve read every post since the beginning in the archive, taking each one in order, and I love your posts. Makes my slow days go by just a little quicker, and definately brightens up the day when I have to deal with a particularly horrendous member, a la working in health insurance. 🙂