Excuses of the Day For…

…bringing in outside food.

A guy comes in to meet five others already seated. He is carrying a soda and paper bag from one of the carry-out Tex-Mex places nearby.

“Hi. I am here to meet my friends. They’re already here.”

He pauses as he sees me and my seater staring, speechless, at his over-stuffed carryout bag. “Oh, yeah. I’m allergic to everything in your restaurant and have to bring in my own food.”

To which we wonder–allergic to our soda, too? Wow. Some allergy, you poor thing.

…feeling entitled.

“I am a regular. I shouldn’t have to be on the wait list. Can’t I get a table now? I’m a regular. A REGULAR!”

Thank you, ma’am. You’re a regular. Pager?

…lying about a reservation.

“Uh, yes. Reservation for Linda. For right now.”

“Linda, what is your last name?”

“Huh? My last name? The girl I talked to said I didn’t have to give nothing but my first name. Linda, the reservation is under Linda.”

“Linda, we always require a first and last name as well as other information to have a reservation put in the book. We are on a short wait right now, but I would be happy to…”

“You calling me a liar? I spoke to that girl this morning at 11 a.m. and she said all I needed to give was my first name. Linda. That’s me. I have a reservation.” She turns to her friend. “I know what that girl told me when I made this reservation, and I didn’t have to give my last name!”

“Certainly, Linda. One of our hosts will be happy to show you and your guest to a table in just a moment.”

Liars. They are beginning to take their toll on The Gal.

…being in the wrong place.

Two very worried men in suits lugging multiple briefcases and computer bags plead for help from the podium.

“We are not supposed to be here. We went to the address of the restaurant we were supposed to go to. It’s a pharmacy! Please help us! We need to find our restaurant right away. It has to be near here. This is an incredibly important business meeting! Please, do you know it?”

Amazingly, I knew exactly where they needed to be. Amazingly, they said “please”–twice.

…an attempt to ask for a table for two.

A gentleman holds up his two hands, says nothing, but gestures with two fingers on each hand as though he is putting a phrase in quote marks. He does this repeatedly as I bite my lip to keep from laughing and screaming at the same time. The Look provides no relief. He keeps doing it. Finally, I give in.

“Table for two, or is that four, sir?”

And it’s only Thursday.






7 responses to “Excuses of the Day For…”

  1. yoshi Avatar

    Ive had a few people do that. they hold up a couple of fingers and say nothing to you. Like you are just a slave. You go “table for two? Smoking or non?” and they yell at you for even asking if they wanted smoking. Treat us like people!

  2. Debbie Avatar

    You poor dear. Yes, The Look isn’t always fail-proof. Sad but true.

  3. Natalie Avatar

    I think the ones who are immune to the look are just really thick…they’re the ones who don’t get sarcasm, don’t understand subtlety…

  4. Phil Avatar

    Maybe he wanted two tables, for two people (each at their own table).

  5. Paul Avatar

    If someone did that to me — wave fingers in my direction to indicate the number of people in their party — I’d be tempted to give ’em a big grin and wave back enthusiastically like I’m returning their greeting, and then go about my business until they SPOKE to me.

  6. John Avatar

    As far as “linda” goes, i would have suggested that she was at the wrong restaurant….McD’s takes first name reservations, don’t they?

  7. Restaurant Gal Avatar

    If only all the Lying Lindas (and Larrys) preferred a Double Cheeseburger combo meal….

    The Gal