Hi folks. I understand you are on Spring break. I understand this entitles you to wear shorts and tank tops and just about anything else that screams, “I am not a person who hails from a city.” (Or at least this city.) I understand you may feel a bit more relaxed, more jovial, more inclined to be a bit crude or rude to this maitre ‘d.
But please, control yourselves. And your children.
Some favorites today:
Hey Mr. Gray Ponytail with the designer sunglasses! You and your gal in the bathing-suit-coverup-style dress sure are cute. If you wanted a table, all you had to do was ask. You were the first people in this morning and you were just all over the place, trying out this booth, sitting at that table, perching on a half dozen bar stools before I finally corralled you and seated you myself.
Hi there Ms. It Must Be Five O’Clock Somewhere In the World! I like a mojito as much as the next person, trust me, but I would suggest some food with that first, especially at this hour of the morning.
Hey family of 13 with no reseverations! Yes, we can seat you right away. No problem. Happy to have you here. You could have told me three more were joining you–I wouldn’t have minded at all.
Welcome grown children of father on a business trip! I was happy to give you a table for four at 11:30. Then Dad came in at 1 and announced he’d like to expand that to eight, and everyone was coming in at different times from then on. What? I was so confused. I thought for sure you must be gone by now. You four were there that whole time, holding the table? Please tell me you tipped the server 100%.
A special hello to the mothers of five small children between you! We love children here. We really do. We have special goody bags all made up for them to keep them happy and busy while mom and dad enjoy a nice meal. Work with me, okay? I give them the bags, you prevent them from trying to poke a hole in the original oil painting mural in the foyer, playing tag around other seated tables, and trying to see who can reach the highest palm frond on the fake (but, boy they look real) potted trees all over the restaurant.
Sometimes, I love the tourists. Sometimes, I am less inclined.