Ask Me–I Know Everything!

Posted on Monday 18 August 2008

Local Caller No. 1

“Are you open for lunch today?”

Yes.

“Does that mean you are open for dinner tonight?”

Yes.

“Will you stay open no matter what happens with Fay?”

As of right now, we plan to stay open.

“No matter what?”

Now you are beginning to annoy me.

Tourist Caller No. 2

“What’s it doing there now?”

Raining.

“Hard?”

Just raining. Sometimes it gets heavier for a little while.

“Well, what doesn’t seem like heavy rain to you is heavy to me because I don’t live here. I am traveling on business.”

Okay.

“So how heavy will the rain get?”

Really, really, really heavy. Or, just look out of your hotel window now and then.

Tourist Caller No. 3

“Is it going to be a hurricane?”

I hope not.

“But, I mean, what are the chances it will become a hurricane?”

No clue. Wish I had one.

“So you’re telling me it’s going to remain a tropical storm? In your opinion.”

Uh….

“Right?”

Please, turn on a TV.

Soon-to-be-Arriving Tourist Caller No. 4

“My hotel is open, right?”

I don’t know. Have you called them?

“Yeah. They’re open now, but do you think they will stay open?”

Honestly, I would suggest calling them and asking them directly about their contingency plans.

“Can you check for me?”

What? No!

Out-of-Town Tourist Caller No. 5

“The airports are still open, right?”

I believe so.

“All night and tomorrow?”

I don’t know the answer to that. You will need to check with your airline carrier.

“It’s American. Are they still flying?”

Are you kidding me?

“Look, I am just asking you because I know you have more experience at this than I do.”

Right. I can’t even begin to tell you what a 50 mile-per-hour gust feels like, much less sustained tropical storm winds. Now, if you want to talk snowstorms….”

“Okay, well, maybe I’ll get there. Maybe I won’t.”

Great!

“But take my reservation, just in case.”

Certainly.

***

Today, I am apparently qualified to be the owner of my restaurant, a meteorologist, a hotel proprietor, and the director of operations for both FLL and MIA. Who knew I was so versatile? Thanks, Fay!

Restaurant Gal @ 6:06 pm
Filed under: Guests
Calling It a Night

Posted on Sunday 17 August 2008

If we have just started dating, and I am insisting we take it so very, very slow, and you agree to that, and I have told you that I am getting my hair cut by the girl and friend who used to style my hair in D.C., and how cool and coincidental it is that she is living here, and how wonderful it is to have her here in this South Florida realm that is at once becoming familiar as much as it still remains a mystery, at least have the common courtesy to say my hair looks nice. Because then I will think you noticed something nice about me before the evening went so horribly wrong when everything I said provoked an argument. Which I guess boils down to my wanting to take it slow. Or maybe not. Maybe I am just annoying as hell.

If you are the valet and I have just walked away from my untouched dinner at a restaurant overlooking the ocean on a night when the moon is full and the view is outstanding and that alone makes it so sad that I walked away from my untouched meal, and I mention to you, in an effort to keep from crying by laughing a little, that I am having a pretty horrible moment on a pretty tough date, and I ask if maybe one of you has a cigarette I could bum, don’t look at me with a stupid stare and say, “I don’t smoke. And it’s a smoke-free place so you can’t buy any here, either.” Because then I will think you are either clueless, humorless, or void of any feeling whatsoever. Which I guess boils down to your thinking ill of girls who smoke cigarettes when in crisis. Or maybe not. Maybe I am just annoying as hell while you wait to park someone else’s car.

If you are my good friend and former neighbor, and I call you at 9 p.m. on a night when I am supposed to be out with a nice guy on a nice date, and you don’t answer when I call twice in a row because you have left your phone inside your apartment while you are outside chatting with our former mutual neighbors, please know that it is never a good sign to receive such calls at 9 p.m., and please try to call me back as soon as possible. Because then I will feel like I have the kind of friends I used to have in D.C., and I will feel so much better about the horrible moments on the tough date because I will now know this far more important thing about having a real friend in the midst of so many who are not. Or maybe not. Or maybe so. Because you called the second you saw the “missed call” messages on your phone, without even listening to my voicemail, which is why I immediately felt less in crisis and more in control of my spinning feelings. I will never underestimate the power of a great girlfriend.

If you are a weather forecaster, and you are broadcasting to me early Sunday morning that I should start making preparations for the possibility of being in the direct line of tropical-storm-could-be-a-hurricane-but-depends-on-the-track Faye, thank you for not making me feel so stupid that I was out early yesterday morning before any watches were posted, buying 10 gallons of water, 6 bottles of wine (um, for the 10% discount, of course), and 1 big bag of dog food. Because after years of watching my D.C. brethren react to a week-out forecast of one flake of snow by clearing the grocery shelves of milk, bread, eggs and toilet paper, I despise being part of a panic-buy crowd. Which is why I felt a little silly doing all that yesterday. Or maybe not. Maybe that just means I am prepared and that instead of having to stand in long checkout lines today, I can go to the beach before I have to go to work.

If you are me, you are beginning to think that you are just beginning to get a little of your act together down here in South Florida. Which you hope means you aren’t as scared of Faye as you feel you are. Or maybe not. Maybe fear of Faye is healthy, just as healthy as it was to call it a night in the middle of a tough date, and to end the night by reaching out to a girlfriend instead of drinking multiple glasses of wine, smoking half a pack of cigarettes, or texting a boy with whom you should never communicate again. Because I didn’t even consider doing any of the latter. Finally.

Restaurant Gal @ 8:34 am
Filed under: Dining Out and First course
Leaders Among Us

Posted on Monday 11 August 2008

“Get out of the water! It’s coming quick. We don’t know if it’s a dolphin or a shark!”

My pilot girlfriend and I were lounging in my multi-colored beach chairs on a section of the beach that offers no lifeguard protection. We were close enough to the Atlantic’s edge that tiny wavelets caressed our toes and dampened the edge of our towels on a day when the ocean resembled a lake, it was so calm.

“I mean it, get out now!” shouted the small but husky man wearing the blue Speedo. He was frantic.

Slowly and awkwardly the beachgoers made their way out of the ocean—-the tiny children whose parents hauled a multitude of neon-colored floats, the old people swimming alone who were the last to hear the warning and the first to heed it, and a number of young couples who could barely disengage from a kiss or embrace.

My girlfriend and I looked at each other, then at the man who continued to jog down the beach, still waving his arms and repeating his warning. A wave slapped my feet and I jumped, startled. I tucked my feet under me.

“You think there really is something out there?” I asked, scanning the ocean northward from where the man had run.

“I’m not finding out,” laughed my girlfriend, “But I’m guessing something’s out there.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Just then, a petite woman wearing a tank suit and holding three purple “noodles” walked up to us. “If you look there,” she said pointing off to the left, “You’ll see the shadow. That’s it.”

And there it was, gliding through the clear shallow water, an ominous black shape. Every few seconds we glimpsed a black tip break the surface. This was definitely not a dolphin.

“Yeah, my husband was really worried, you know, so that’s why he is warning everyone,” she continued. I’m glad they are listening, because you don’t know, you know?”

She was right that you don’t know, but incorrect that everyone had heeded her husband’s warning. Just as she had pointed out the creature’s black shape, two men roughly in their 50s or early 60s jogged across the sand and into the ocean, swimming brisk, careful strokes as they made their way toward what everyone else was carefully avoiding.

“Oh you have got to be kidding me,” groaned my girlfriend. “Those two guys are swimming toward it? Please, lose the testosterone, boys.”

I marveled at the two men, for these were the two who are found in every group of humans—-the ones who stay in their offices because they know the fire alarm is false, the ones who never evacuate because they are certain the hurricane won’t damage their homes, the ones who deliberately take the risk in the face of any danger because, well, probably because they’ve been damn lucky when they have.

Still….

“It is so weird looking,” said my girlfriend about the dark shadow.

It was. This bizarre, no-name creature was swimming south at a good clip, right toward the men who’d chosen to meet it fin-on. But now, only one of the men was still willing to swim so close as to be able to touch it. I wanted to close my eyes tight, as I do during scary or tense scenes in a movie, but I couldn’t. Instead, I simply watched.

“Well at least one of them has a brain,” remarked my girlfriend about the second of the two men who’d decided to swim back to shore.

The brave one, or the idiot, depending on how you viewed the man approaching the unknown creature that was approaching monster status in everyone’s eyes, swam right up to it. I swear he reached out and touched the thing. Good Lord.

Seconds passed and he waved back at the crowd that had gathered on shore. “Just a ray, not even a sting ray,” he shouted in the sure confident way that men do when they’ve been sure all along. “Just a baby. He’ll grow big enough that you could ride him.” Right.

He swam back to shore as those waiting on shore waded out to meet him. As if he had single-handedly made the waters safe again. I looked around. The Speedo-clad man who had sounded the alarm was nowhere. Neither was his petite wife. But the man who had touched the ray was our hero. For now.

I struggle every day to know who to trust and who is worthy of my trust here in South Florida. Some days I feel totally secure at work; other days I am sure I am despised for something groundless or at least viewed as deserving of contempt for a transgression I never knew I committed. Some days my so-called friends like me, but next thing I know I am no one to them, until I am again.

Some days, I’d love to give myself over to the so-sure guy, the over-confident anyone. Lead me to wherever, I would invite them. Reassure me I am safe, I would suggest to them. Allow me to let my guard down, I would beg of them. Just be damn sure you are right.

Restaurant Gal @ 7:32 pm
Filed under: First course
Top 23

Posted on Friday 8 August 2008

In an effort to help a friend wade through the 569 posts I have written over two-and-a-half years, I told him I would scroll back and come up with my favorites. It proved to be an interesting exercise. Some of what I have written is deeply personal and heartfelt. Sometimes that equates to good writing. Other posts are my observations about poignant moments, or a description of a fleeting contact with a person I will never forget, or a humorous take on some aspect of my job. Sometimes those posts reflect good writing as well.

But my favorites? Subject matter aside, those would be the posts that flowed so easily and so quickly, that required so little editing, that I surprise myself when I re-read them today. I wrote that?

Missing from this list are the posts I have written about RG Son and Daughter. They are my real favorites, including the one I wrote on the eve of my son’s graduation from college a year ago May. But in terms of writing for writing’s sake, the following are the posts I would point to if pressed to whittle it all down to a few.

For those of you who have been reading all along, welcome to a trip down Memory Lane. For those of you new to reading this blog, check out some of these older posts. You’ll glimpse a snapshot of where I was a few months and years ago, and, I hope, enjoy the read.

Starting with the most recently posted:

2008 South Florida

Blame it on the Lizards

Marlboro Boys

Ode to Coletta

The Accidental Wedding

Across the Street

Smokin’

When Money Talks

Baby on My Shoulder

South Floridians–The Weather is Perfect!

Look at Them

2007 D.C.

If You Only Had One Wish

Through the Roof

Love Letter

It’s Always Been Right There

Unintentional Adultery on the Way to Work

Note to the Angels: Tell My Dad I Send Love

Sixteen Going on Sixty

Last Days

Little Hands, Big Help

2006 D.C.

Ladies Who Lunch

With This Ring

I’ll Be Right With You–After I Call the Police

Keep It Even, Fold it Straight

Restaurant Gal @ 12:44 pm
Filed under: Beloved Co-workers and First course and Guests and Managers
From the Mouths of Babes

Posted on Wednesday 6 August 2008

“We were sitting there eating dinner at my place, and he looked at my dog and said, ‘Can’t you just put him out on the porch or something?’” RG Daughter is repeating a conversation she had with a young man she has been seeing. A really cute young man who is creative and artistic and successful job-wise, even as a recent college graduate.

RG Daughter continued: “So I looked at him for a minute, then I said, ‘You know, I just don’t think this is going to work.’”

Wow. To be so sure. So honest with the boy when she was so sure. So quickly.

“Because after all I have been through with my puppy–how many times he almost died because he was so sick, how I had to put him on a plane and send him back to the breeder, wondering if he would survive the flight and thinking I would never see him again, and now I finally have him back again–no one is going to tell me to just stick him on the porch, you know?”

Absolutely.

“Because you can tell a lot about a guy based on the way they treat your dog, at least that’s what I think.”

Point taken.

“And this guy barely tolerated my puppy all along. So guess what? Bye.”

Just like that?

“Yeah, just like that.”

Aren’t you sad? You kind of liked him, right?

“Not really sad, even though I liked him. I just knew I should end it before anyone got hurt.”

This from my 21-year-old. The same 21-year-old who recently experienced the end of a three-year relationship and is now new to the harsh dating world herself. This from my 21-year-old who sometimes has it so much more together than her mother.

“Mom, you know about the whole texting thing, right?”

Um, do I?

“Never text first!”

Oh, that’s ridiculous.

“No really. Don’t. It’s part of the game, at least that’s what my friends tell me.”

Although, now that I think about it, that’s when things went south with the boy, when suddenly I was the only one initiating all the texts about getting together.

“And we’re not supposed to be so available. Guys like the chase or the thrill of the hunt or some such crap.”

Please, that is so dumb. And yet, I’ve heard that rule of dating idiocy from a couple of my friends, too.

“Yeah, I know. So stupid, but it’s true. And seriously, if any guy you’re dating doesn’t like Rouletta–or even worse, only pretends to like her until he thinks he can tell you to ditch her on a porch–well….”

Right. Dump him. Before anyone gets hurt.

“Because there’s no point in continuing.”

But what about a guy who is out walking his own dog, and he stops to say hi so our dogs can say hi, and he seems to like my dog until his dog snarls and my dog nips back and suddenly a full-blown dog fight is nearly a reality, and then it’s kind of difficult to carry on the “Where are you from? What do you do?” conversation, so you say goodnight before you even exchange the names of your dogs, much less your own. What do the dating rule-makers have to say about that?

“Mom, you have got to get Rouletta out more with other dogs so she can be socialized!”

How did I raise such a wise girl?

Restaurant Gal @ 7:29 am
Filed under: First course
Time Always Tells

Posted on Monday 4 August 2008

When you return “home” after packing up a lifetime, and the Sunday shift is going well until one of the bartenders gets quite suddenly and unexpectedly trashed, and you are left having to pick up the pieces as you attempt to explain it all to your boss on the phone, you are apt to wonder about the point of it all.

When you have spent a weekend packing up a lifetime after you moved your new life into a new apartment only a week ago, you are apt to wonder whether either of these places ever was or ever will feel like “home.”

When you have spent a weekend packing up a lifetime, you realize it is not the 20-year old sofa you bought from a friend 15 years ago, or your grandfather-in-law’s antique chair that gives you pause. Rather, it is the 1990 “Week at a Glance” calendar that is filled with scribbled notes about deadlines and appointments that compels you to stop packing and sit down on the floor and read. Tuesday, July 17, meet at noon with Mrs. Suarez and call Linda W. The call seems to have been more important than the meeting, because I had scrawled a star next to it. I remember the details of neither.

Eighteen years ago I lived in the big house when my kids were very little. I wrote part-time as a freelancer and worked full-time trying to parlay a kids’ party service into a thriving business. The business did, indeed, take off–too fast, too soon. Too much success too soon can be as negative as the opposite start-up result. As the sole proprietor of this too successful business, I couldn’t sustain the pace and ultimately put the business to rest at the height of its success.

One note in the Week-at-a-Glance calendar refers to a 7-year-old boy who wanted an outer space birthday party. Who is that 25-year-old young man today, I wonder.

When you pack up a lifetime, one cabinet at a time, the next cabinet seems even more full than the last. Minton china–the pattern of which you agonized over before you registered it. Waterford crystal wine glasses and water goblets, any number of silver candle sticks–wedding gifts all that graced an elegant dining room table for dinner parties and holiday meals. How was it that I was able to prepare multiple dishes and present a festive buffet each year for 75 guests? How did I even know 75 people to invite? Today, I can barely cope with re-heating a store-bought rotisserie chicken and steaming fresh vegetables for myself.

My early morning flight from D.C. took off to the west along the Potomac River. I stared down from my upgraded window seat and saw the neighborhood in which I grew up. Seconds later, there was the street on which the big house still stood, where my kids lived through grade school. Moments before, when I could barely see through my tears, there was the in-town house I helped pack up, the interior of which I will never see again.

Time should tell if my new apartment will someday feel like home. Time should tell if I am even close to being the restaurant gal my GM thought I was when he hired me.

Time should tell if the bitter part of sweet will soon fade.

Time should tell if happiness will soon battle sadness, and win.

Time will always tell, because you can’t turn it back, especially when there is no turning back.

Restaurant Gal @ 1:21 am
Filed under: Beloved Co-workers and First course
Flying Too High

Posted on Friday 1 August 2008

Cost of round-trip, advance-purchase ticket, FLL to DCA: $248.00. “Great fare,” comments a friend.

Cost of checking one bag: $15.00. “Yeah, sorry about that,” comments the desk agent.

Cost to change my middle seat 17E to an aisle seat 8D: $10. “I think the duct tape wrapped around your arm rest is a really nice touch,” laughs the girl stuck in the middle seat next to me.

Cost to bring pup in a carry-on bag and shove her under the seat: $100.00 each way. “You mean they charge you $100 just because you have something alive in your carry-on bag?” laughs the girl stuck in the middle seat next to me.

Cost for a bottle of water: $2.00 “Seriously, you’re charging me for the water?” asks the no-longer laughing girl stuck in the middle seat next me. “Hey, the cup of ice is free,” laughs the flight attendant. HA HA HA!

Cost for a cup of “fresh brewed coffee:” $1.00. “I’ll give you a free refill,” whispers another flight attendant.

True value of today’s fine flying experience: Utterly worthless.

I am in D.C. for the weekend, packing up the house. But I’ll be back in plenty of time for the Sunday-night shift frivolity!

Restaurant Gal @ 4:04 pm
Filed under: First course
Thanks, Waiter

Posted on Wednesday 30 July 2008

Three years ago, I walked out of my office and into the hiring arena of one of D.C.’s most popular restaurants. I was hired on the spot. Six months into my job as a maitre d’, I began writing Restaurant Gal because I was astounded by the nature of the business and the stories that played out in front of my podium.

For several months, I wrote this blog as a solo venture, never giving a thought to who might be reading it because, frankly, I knew no one except my husband and a handful of friends was reading.

One morning, I noticed my RG mail box had a message in it. What? Someone had actually commented on my blog? Later that morning, two more messages indicating two more comments popped up. Seriously?

“You are putting comments on my blog to make me feel like someone out there is reading, aren’t you?” I joked with Mr. Restaurant Gal.

He peered over the newspaper he was reading. “Uh, actually, no. You’ve got comments? That’s great! I told you people would eventually find you.”

But even he was curious, and when he announced the reason for the sudden attention, we were both astounded. “Looks like another blogger linked to you on his blog roll.” At the time, I was clueless about other blogs, blog rolls, and the like.

“What? Who?” I asked, totally bewildered.

“Waiter Rant. He put you on his blog roll.”

I paged back in my mind. “Oh, yeah, there’s a guy out there who’s a waiter and a terrific writer. I emailed him a month or so ago to let him know I really enjoyed his style, but that was about it.” Being dense, I also had no idea Waiter had one of the hottest and best-read blogs out there.

“Guess he liked yours, too.”

Thanks to Waiter linking to my blog, visits to RG grew steadily to 2000-plus a week. Thanks to Waiter, my blog continued to gain in popularity and readership. It felt very, very cool to have an audience for my stories.

It was also extremely helpful to exchange email with a successful blogger who was constantly having his anonymity challenged during a time when mine was as well. He offered support and advice that helped me ride out those rough times, and I will never forget that.

Since I moved from D.C. to South Florida a year ago, the nature of Restaurant Gal has shifted from laments and laughs about the industry to more general stories about life’s changes and challenges. Restaurant stories continue to inspire my writing, but I find the universe is equally inspiring beyond the confines of menus and reservations and crazy guests. Happily, my readership continues to grow, even though I am no longer a link on Waiter’s blog roll.

Now, Waiter has his own big news. His book is finally out, and so, it seems, is his identity. Now I can properly thank him.

Thank you Steve Dublanica for your incredible reads on Waiter Rant and for taking time to read my missives when you could. Here’s to wishing great success for your book and to thanking you again for recognizing Restaurant Gal and helping to launch it into the blogosphere two-and-a-half years ago.

Keep writing. I know I will.

And a toast to 25-percent tips.

Restaurant Gal @ 8:53 am
Filed under: First course
Life is Short

Posted on Tuesday 29 July 2008

I had only been to this funky, strictly local place twice, both times with my crazy friend who is no longer my friend like she used to be. Within seconds of meeting the bartender who’d worked there for 25-plus years, he told me, “Forgetting the blond hair, you have got to be Ginger from Gilligan’s Island. Right?”

Ha!

And so I had a nickname at a place I’d never been to. He added “Gal” to the end of this nickname, making it “Ginger-Gal.” Perfect.

But not two weeks to the day that this bartender everyone except me had known for years, he died. Of a heart attack. Quite suddenly. Quite shockingly. I was Ginger-Gal no more because he was no more. “Yeah, he gave nicknames to everyone he liked,” remarked a friend of my crazy friend who is so changed as my friend.

Life is so short that no one even knew the nickname he gave me except me. And now he is gone, his face a memory on a T-shirt for sale above the bar he tended for so long.

“Any money we make goes for flowers at the funeral,” said a co-worker. I would pay for multiple bouquets to hear him say my nickname again because it was so funny. And now it is so sad, because life is so short.

My crazy friend is angry at me for imagined transgressions that only 5th grade girls would truly understand. Because life is short, I wrote her a heartfelt email explaining why her misgivings about me are nothing more than stupid bullshit, but I said it better than that. I said it well enough in an email to make her cry. But she got it and she said she still wanted to be friends and meet again this week to really be friends again. I guess she also got it that life is very short.

RG Daughter was here for five days and we never fought. Not once. She saved my life during this move. She was my best girl. I will never forget these past five days. Because life is short, and so were these past five days. Too short.

Just when I was starting to feel confident at work, I feel like everything I do is wrong again. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I feel like the rug that is forever being pulled out from under me is yet again, gone. I really thought that this time….

Life is so short. Maybe sometimes those who pull it out from under you haven’t caught up with the warp speed in which it passes. It is painful when this happens, because life is short, and you don’t get too many chances to get it right when the rug is forever out of reach.

My new apartment is beautiful. The grounds, the setting, the views–they are all incredible. I walked my dog at half past midnight tonight and wasn’t afraid, because the layers of security here are that great. I now have a false sense of my life being a little less short, because of this.

For reasons I cannot explain, the flickering lights of the enormous flat-screen TVs on the mega-yachts I see from my balcony make me sad. Because I know a member of the crew is watching TV this time of year, never the owner this time of year. And I wonder where the owner of any one of these mega yachts is while one of their crew members is watching their enormous flat-screen TVs. Do they even care about this yacht in my front yard? Is life so short that a yacht bigger than any house I have ever owned is quickly forgotten by the owner in the off season so that a crew member can munch bagged popcorn and lounge against weather-proof designer pillows he will never own and watch the yacht owner’s flat screen TV? Is life that f—ing short and seemingly meaningless?

“I just moved here four days ago,” slurs the young drunk girl at my beach bar, where I am swilling a glass of wine after my double shift. “My dad owns a million-dollar condo, so that’s where I am living, you know?”

Sure, baby. Life is short. Very, very short. Drink your wine. Live in Daddy’s condo. Care less. Never know my nickname given to me by a bartender who died last week. Never know what it means to scrimp and scrap and save and hope to make all the ends meet.

Life is so very, very short. I gotta shake the melancholy that is threatening to settle in. Or I have to change my life, once again. It’s just so short. You know?

Restaurant Gal @ 1:22 am
Filed under: Beloved Co-workers and Dining Out and First course
Movin’ Along

Posted on Friday 25 July 2008

Moved yesterday. Grapling with cable and internet issues today (I know, shocking that it wasn’t done right the first time!). Will post again as soon as it all gets corrected. Other than that, the new place is unbelievably great. Look for photos soon.

And as always, stay tuned for more stories.

–RG

Restaurant Gal @ 1:59 pm
Filed under: First course